Mix heard Spring sighed. There were no words after that. He remained quiet inside as soon as the engine started. It did not shock him when the course changed. He knew his boyfriend very well. If something goes wrong, or one of them is upset, he’d take him to their usual spot—at the Loveless Bridge. And then they would talk and clear things out.
But this time, he’s afraid. He didn’t know what would happen, where his emotions would lead him.
The tricycle stopped at the said bridge who seemed to be abandoned, forsaken, and desolated. The atmosphere was somewhat melancholic though Mix wasn’t sure what was causing it. When Spring got off and sat at the back of the tricycle, he had no choice but to do the same. He had to face everything, anyway.
There was silence for minutes. He had a lot to say but he can’t seem to find the right words.
“How was the press con?” “I lost.”
Mix kept his head down. He wanted to cry. Not that they spoke at the same time but because Spring wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. “If you haven’t cried yet, you can cry with me. ‘Wag mo lang sisingahan ang t-shirt ko.” His tears cascaded in a flash. Mukhang hindi pa niya nauubos ang luha mula sa pag-iyak kanina. Ngunit ngayon ay iba na ang dahilan kung bakit.
“I actually have something for you—”
“Spring,” Mix called, cutting him off. He wiped his tears, took Spring’s arms off of him and kept his eyes away. “I think it’s better if we break up for now.”
There. It was a relief that he said it like it’s not a big deal, like it doesn’t matter, like it doesn’t hurt him. Because what he felt was exactly the opposite.
Meanwhile, Spring was surprised—just as expected. It wasn’t the first time actually. Mix had always joked about it. But this time, it sounded serious. Mix's voice was humorless. And the fact that he wasn’t laughing made it even more frightening.
“It’s not funny, Mix. Hindi ako natutuwa,” he directly said.
Yeah, right. Spring didn’t like it. He wouldn’t call him ‘Mix’ if he did. Even so, Mix kept his voice firm, held his tears and looked at his boyfriend in his eyes. “Ang sabi ni Tito, wala kang planong mag-enrol ngayong taon. Do you still remember what you promised me?” He didn’t know how he managed to utter those words. But because he already said it, there’s no point in holding back.
“Here we are again with that pointless reason—”
“Spring, you promised me. Ang sabi mo noon ay isang taon na lang pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi ka pa rin tumitigil sa pag-tatricycle na ‘yan. What’s that even for? Ano ba ang pinag-iipunan mo? Mas importante pa ba ‘yan sa pag-aaral mo?”
Spring stood up, frustrated. Nasapo niya ang noo at saka bumaling sa kasintahan. “You know I’m not intelligent like you—”
“That’s why I’m here,” Mix replied, his tears are already falling. “Tutulungan naman kita, ‘di ba? ‘Wag lang ganito. We both are supposed to be entering college next school year. Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang sa mga taon? Hindi ka ba natatakot mapag-iwanan?”
“Mix, hindi naman ako nakikipag-karera.”
“Then, at least, think of the future!” he shouted which made Spring silent. “We’re both men, Spring! In order for others to accept us, we should at least, prove something.” Bingo. He finally hit that spot. Considering the society, it was partly true. That’s how it works, anyway. Well, except for those who are brave enough to disagree. And practically, Spring was one of them.
“Why.. why do we have to prove something in order to be ourselves? Can’t they let me decide for my own? It’s my life, after all,” Spring said, crestfallen.
“Come on, Spring, it’s reality!”
“E t*nginang reyalidad pala ‘yan eh! Eh di p*tangina kung walang tumanggap sa ‘tin! If they were disgusted with me, I don’t care. F*ck them all.”
Mix froze. His vision was blurry because of his tears and it doesn’t seem to stop. He stared at Spring with full of dismay. He thought everything would turn the other way around but right now.. he hate to admit it but he’s disappointed. He stood up, walked closer to his boyfriend, and grabbed the collar of his shirt all of a sudden. “Do you plan on being like that for the rest of your life? I hate the reality but I have to stick with it, Spring! P*tangina, wala ka bang pangarap? Kasi ako, meron! Aamin pa ako sa mga magulang natin na may relasyon tayo! Hindi kita ikinakahiya pero hindi pwedeng ganito ka lang. Hindi pwedeng ganito lang tayo..”
It was the most painful breakdown he ever had. And when he thought he had it worst, Spring knelt on the ground, with his head down, tightly holding his hands with his. “Ikaw lang naman ang pangarap ko, Mix. You were the only dream I wanted to reach. Kaso bakit parang palayo ka nang palayo sa 'kin? Nasa harap kita ngayon pero bakit parang ang layo layo mo?”
Spring's sobs was Mix's nightmare at that time. He didn’t want to hear it for he knew it would bug him every night to the point where it will be hard for him to sleep. He immediately took back his hands and wiped his tears. Pagkatapos ay tumingin sa madilim na kalangitan at mariin na ipinikit ang mga mata.
“I'm done for now, Spring. Grow up, will you?” Mix knew very well that that shit hurt but he still chose to said it. Not that he thought he was superior but because Spring had to hear it. “Dreaming of me is worthless. You’re making yourself a fool because of me and I hate it. Let’s break up, already. Take your time to understand everything at sana pagbalik ko, gising ka na.”
The moment Mix took his things and walked away from the bridge, he told himself he’d come back for he believes that he and Spring were soulmates. But if someone did ever saw his face that morning after midnight, he could tell that Mix was not well aware of which type it is.