Ashlyn
8:00 AM. Tuesday.
Nagising ako sa malakas na tunog ng alarm clock sa kwarto ko.
Unti unti kong iminulat ang mga mata ko. I forgot to close my window's curtain kaya nasilaw ako sa sinag ng araw sa kwarto ko.
Umupo ako at in-off yung alarm clock. It's tuesday, si Kuya ang bahala sa restaurant ngayon at ako naman ang magpapahinga.
I went to my bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. Then i went to the kitchen and there i saw my mom cooking our breakfast.
"Good morning sweetie." Mom said while preparing our breakfast.
Lumapit ako at umupo.
"Maagang umalis ang kuya at dad mo. Nagkaroon kasi ng problema sa restaurant, may gas leak daw pero don't worry nagtext ang dad mo, may nag aayos na raw." Then she gave me a plate.
"Pano po yung mga staffs, are they okay?" I asked.
"No need to worry Ash, they are all fine, buti na lang nga at may general cleaning kanina, maagang pumasok ang ibang mga staff kaya nalaman din agad." Then she sat beside me.
"Ikaw ba okay lang?" Tanong sa akin ni mom.
"Bakit po?" Then i started to eat.
"Nabanggit kasi sa akin ni Xena na she's trying to set you up in a date." Napangiti naman si mom.
"Dates mom, ilang beses na akong nakipag date dahil sa kanya."
"And wala ka bang nagustuhan kahit isa sa kanila?"
"Ayoko pa kasi mom, i don't think i'm ready." I said.
"Do you need to be ready? Tell me Ash, hindi mo pa ba talaga makalimutan si--"
"Mom i'm okay, it's not because hindi pa ako nakakamove on, siguro kasi natatakot ako na baka ganun lang din ang mangyari." Malungkot na sambit ko.
I believe i've moved on, I know I do. Ang hirap lang kasi isipin na once I fall in love again... what if same story, same ending? Natatakot lang ako na pagdaanan ulit yung sakit na naramdaman ko noon.
"Someday, someone will love you and he will do everything to prove that he's different from the one who hurts you." My mom smiled, tumayo sya at may kinuha at saka ito ibinigay sa akin.
Napatingin naman ako sa ibinigay niya, a small envelop, I think it's a letter.
"Nakita ko yan habang nagaayos ako ng mga box sa garage, I believe it's yours, and it's from someone in the past na alam kong hanggang ngayon mahalaga pa rin sayo."
I remembered. Looking at this small piece of paper gives me that feeling. Yung palagi kong nararamdaman noon whenever our eyes met, yung tumitigil yung paligid ko. Matagal na rin simula nang huling naramdaman ko ang ganito. But why feel this now if he's not even here?
"You cant forget him because you want answers anak, bakit hindi ikaw ang maghanap sa kanya? There's social media, madali na lang mahanap ang taong gusto mong makita. Hindi ka naman naghahabol diba, you just want answers." She smiled again and leave.
I sighed. Yes, I want answers. Gusto ko malaman lahat ng sagot sa tanong ko, pero it's been 3 years. And for those years dapat nakalimot na ako, dapat naka move on na ako. But why cant I?
I open the envelop and read the letter...
Hi Ash. Nakakahiyang aminin pero hindi kita magawang kausapin. I like you, and i'm sorry kung nabanga kita noon sa kamamadali dahil malalate na ako. Pero thankful na rin siguro ako kasi kung hindi nangyari yun hindi rin kita makikilala, ang cute mo pala pag nakasimangot, yun kasi ang unang tingin mo sa akin nang araw na yun, buti na lang hindi mo ako sinampal sa inis o galit mo, pero kita ko sa mukha mo na nainis ka nang araw na yun...
...
Years Ago...
...palagi kitang tinitingnan, pero si Xena ang lagi kong nakikitang nakatingin sa akin. Sa lahat ng may gusto sa akin, ikaw lang yung gusto kong hindi ako gusto. Ilang beses kong sinubukan sabihin sayo ang mararamdaman ko pero nahihirapan ako dahil may gusto sakin ang kaibigan mo, baka kasi mag away kayo. I want you to know Ash that I really like you, at kung papayagan mo ako, gusto kitang ligawan. Gusto kong maging tayo. Give me a chance to prove myself that I really do like you.
Gusto kong sumigaw... pwede ba akong sumigaw? Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ito. Am I flattered? Am I overwhelmed? Its kinda sweet having this kind of letter.
Nasa kwarto ako at kanina pa palakad lakad, hindi ko kasi alam kung anong gagawin ko. May boyfriend na ba ako? Kami na ba? No! He said manliligaw pa lang sya. Aah! Ano bang gagawin ko?
...
"Hi" bati niya.
Akala ko si Xena ang kasabay ko sa pagpasok sa school. Sya naman kasi ang madalas sumundo sa akin but this time, it was Kyle.
"Paano mo nalaman na dito ako nakatira?" I asked.
"Ah kasi..." He looked behind him then Xena gets out of the car. Lumapit sa akin si Xena na medyo nakasimangot.
"I told him. You know, I felt betrayed since all this time I thought it was me that he likes tapos ikaw pala..." She said. Napakamot naman sa ulo si Kyle.
"Are you mad?" I asked Xena.
Xena looked at me, and then she stares at Kyle.
"Who cares about you Nico! Crush lang kita, hindi ultimate crush, magkaiba yun, you know what, you're not my type, hindi rin naman kita sasagutin kung ako yung niligawan mo. So please, take care of Ash or else... pagsisisihan kong pinaubaya kita sa kanya." Naiinis na sambit nito.
Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako or mata-touch sa sinabi niya, but then she just hugged me and say...
"Our friendship is more important than any guy I like, marami pa naman akong crush kaya bibigay ko na lang sayo yung isa." She look at me and grab my hand. Then she look at Kyle.
"Hindi pa naman kayo ni Ash so kami muna holding hands ah." She said.
We just smiled at each other at sumakay na sa kotse.
...
Okay so... nakaharap ako sa laptop ko. Am I gonna do it or not? Parang hindi ko kaya.
I clicked the search button, but still dont know what to do. Ano bang kinatatakot ko? Ang mahanap ang FB account niya? O ang makita ulit sya?
Typing Nicholas Kyle Cruz...
Searching...
Nicholas kyle Cruz
Kyle Cruz
Nico Cruz
Nicholas Kyle
Lahat ng nakikita ko may picture niya, pero hindi ko alam kung alin dun ang totoong account niya.
"Hindi ko kaya." Sabay close sa laptop ko. Then humiga ako sa kama. Napatulala na lang ako sa ceiling. Why is it so hard to move on and find you at the same time?
Kahit pumikit ako mukha mo pa rin nakikita ko. Nakalimutan na kita. Makakalimutan rin kita.
Bigla akong napaupo sa gulat nang maramdaman ko ang vibration ng phone ko sa table.
Its Xena Calling...
Kinuha ko yung phone and answered her call.
(Hi Ash, where are you?)
"Nasa bahay." Matamlay kong sagot.
(Perfect, so 7pm later may date ka. Trust me you'll going to like him.)
"Zee naman, date again, ayoko na!"
(NO, WAIT! pagbigyan mo na ako, and he's my family's friends , he really likes to meet someone, and by the way he's rich and handsome.)
"I dont care."
(Ash, I'm doing this for you and not for them, I want you to find happiness with someone, just try to like someone instead of reminiscing all those memories of you and him, it's all in the past. Move on na please.)
"Im sorry Xena, ayoko talaga." The I end the call.
...
Hours later.
Text from Xena: Wear your best dress, smile and have fun. Love you friend.
Napabuntong hininga na lang ako. Hindi ko na naman kasi natanggihan ang trip ng kaibigan ko. Here I go again, looking for someone I don't even know.
"Good evening ma'am, do you have reservation?" The receptionist asked.
"Uhm yes." I said while looking at all the tables.
"What's your name ma'am?" Nakangiting tanong nito.
"Ashlyn." I said.
"This way ma'am." Then sumunod ako sa kanya.
Nang medyo malapit na kami nakita ko na yung kadate ko na nakatingin rin sa akin, tumayo sya at ngumiti sakin.
At nang makalapit na ako ay inayos niya ang upuan ko para sa akin.
"Thanks" I said. Then umupo na ako.
Umupo na rin naman sya sa upuan niya, then he asked me of what I want to order. Kinuha ko yung menu and tumingin nang maoorder.
For a minute, akala ko hindi na kami maguusap. Medyo awkward, unlike other guys na nakadate ko, sya yung hindi madaldal.
"Im sorry, I dont know what to talked about, hindi kasi sinabi ni Nico kung anong dadatnan ko dito." Nakangiting sambit nito.
I stopped looking at the menu and then I looked at him straight.
"Nico?" I said.
"Ha? Ah kaibigan ko, si Nico, he told me someone wants to see me, never thought it was a blind date." Nakangising sambit nito.
My heart beats fast. Just right now, pakiramdam ko nanlalamig ang buong katawan ko.
"May I know Nico's full name?" I asked.
"Ah, Nico Salazar. Why? Do you know each other?"
I sighed. Then bigla akong natawa, bagay na ikinagulat naman niya.
"I'm sorry, may kilala kasi akong Nico and I thought it was him, but i'm glad he's not." Then a laughed a bit. He just smiled.
They say maliit lang ang mundo, magkikita at magkikita rin kayo. And if one day Kyle and I meet again. Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko. And I dont even know if I really wanted to see him again.
...