I was running inside our house, excited to see my dad. I wanted to say something and I can't wait to let it out of my head.
"Dad" tawag ko dito pagpasok ng bahay. Mamita was setting on one of our couch but I didn't bother greeting her. Nilampasan ko lang ito.
Agad akong pumunta sa study room ni dad ng hindi ko siya makita sa living area. That's how excited I was to even forget na dad didn't like someone entering his study room without his consent.
"Dad, I want to meet my mother," walang alinlangan kong sabi pagpasok ko.
To my horror, I saw him scowled. He stood up and went towards me as he grabbed and pushed me out of his study room.
Nadatnan ko siyang may binabasang document and the moment he saw me entering his study room, he closed it forcefully.
"Didn't I tell you to not enter this room?" galit nitong singhal sa akin habang nakaturo sa pintuan ng study room niya.
"I'm sorry dad, I forgot," paumanhin ko dito. I feel scared but decided to shrugged it off. "Dad I want to meet my real mom." Ipinagtapat ko ang dalawang palad ko at tinignan ito ng nangungubinseng tingin.
I know he's mad at me for entering his sacred room. It was evident on how he clenched his jaw tightly and how he gritted his teeth. But still, I want to pursue the idea of meeting my mom.
I just found out that mamita isn't my biological mother and it hurts me.
"Sinong may sabi na pwede mong makita ang mom mo? Haa!" sigaw niya na umalingawngaw sa buong bahay.
Nangilid ang luha ko sa subrang pagkatakot. Natuptup ko ang labi ko at naistatwa sa kinatatayuan.
He's scaring me!
"I'm sorry, hindi na po mauulit," tanging nasabi ko sa sobrang kaba.
He hissed. Hinawakan ako nito sa braso at marahas na dinala sa sala. Agad namang na alarma si mamita pagkakita sa amin.
"Never mention your mom around this house!"
Nakita ko ang paglapit ni mamita sa amin kahit may takot sa mata nito. "Ano ba ang plano mo sa anak mo ha? Mag hulus dili ka nga!" Agad akong inagaw ni mamita dito.
Dad growled. He eyed me furiously as if he's planning to kill me. Nagtago ako kay mamita habang umiiyak.
He tried to grabbed me again pero naiwas ako ni mamita.
Pinagsusuntok nito ang mga bagay na nahahawakan niya. Vases, the TV, frames, you name it.
Kung saan saan na lang lumilipad ang mga bagay kaya Mamita screamed when we almost got hit by a ceramic vase.
And that gained dad's attention. He went toward us. Nanginig ako sa takot kasabay ng pagyakap ko ng mahigpit kay mamita. She held me tight too at akong nilabas sa bahay. Dad continued trashing inside.
Pagkalabas namin ay saka naman sumulpot ang mga kapatid ko galing sa likod ng bahay na naglalaro. They're six years old and I'm eight.
"Ate, bakit ka iyak?" tanong sa akin ng kapatid kong si Mitchelle.
I shook my head and just continued crying. I was trembling.
Margaret rushed towards me and hugged me. She too starts to cry. Pagkakita ni Mitchelle na umiiyak ang kambal nito ay umiyak na din ito.
Mamita shushed us. Pumara siya isang tricycle at saka namin nilisan ang bahay.
Sa mismong araw na ding 'yon nagkasakit ako. Inapoy ako ng lagnat, dinala ako ni mamita sa hospital ng minsang humina ang pagtibok ng puso ko.
Maybe I was really traumatized kaya nagkasakit ako ng isang buwan. Or maybe it's because what dad did hurts me deeply.
One week nang pag-alis namin sa bahay ay hinanap din kami nito. Funny how the moment he saw me laying in the hospital bed, barely breathing, nagwala na naman ito.
Not to me this time, kundi sa doctor ng hospital. Bakit daw para akong mawawala na sa mundo?
I sighed and shrugged the unwanted memories.
That incident was eight years ago.
...
"Make a wish" nakangiting sabi ni mamita sa kambal na anak.
I sighed secretly.
As I was staring at Margaret at Mitchelle, I realized how extra beautiful they are today. Their black silky hair were tied into a perfect ponytail. They were wearing an identical black dress that shows off their glassy skin.
Ipinikit nila ang kanilang mga mata at pinagdikit ang kamay as they blew the candles.
Today is their sweet sixteen birthday and although, it's just a family celebration, I know it means a lot to them.
I smile as I watched them through my camera. I am taking a video of them. Mamita and Dad helped my sisters slice the cake, making the both of them giggled.
Unexpectedly, nabaling sa akin ang attention ni Dad. "Anak, ibaba mo na 'yang camera mo, kanina ka pa kumukuha ng video" nakangiting sabi niya but with a hint of authority. "Mauubusan ka ng cake niyan" pabiro pa niya. Kumuha ito ng ibang plato at pinaglagyan ako ng cake.
Dad changed. He's still strict pero hindi na niya inulit pa ang ginawa niya sa akin.
But that doesn't mean I'm not scared of him, I still do.
I put my camera on a near table at nakangiting lumapit sa kanila. Saktong pagkaupong pagkaupo ko ay napahiran ng cake ang mukha ko.
I gapped in surprise. "What the!" Lumingon ako sa kambal at agad ding pinahiran ang mga mukha nila.
Napuno ng tawanan ang bahay na kulang nalang ay marinig ito sa buong barangay. Yong mga bagong bili na damit namin ay napuno ng bakas ng cake. Yong coat ni dad, hindi na makilala sa sobrang pagkadumi nito.
Agad kong dinampot ang camera at pinagkukunan sila ng picture.
"Ate picture-an mo ako" natatawa sabi ni Mitchelle at agad lumapit sa akin.
I laughed at her. She has the guts to get a picture when she's that disoriented.
"Sure, baby sister" iling iling kong pagsang-ayon
"Ate, ako din" nakangiting sambit ni Margaret saka lumapit sa kapatid.
After having so many hilarious shots, lumapit sina dad at mamita. Pati sila ay nakipicture na din. I can't help my giggles.
A family having a hilarious picture!
Ibababa ko na sana ang camera ko nang sabihin ni dad na sumali din ako sa kanila.
I mentally groaned.
Seriously, I don't want to have a picture with this ridiculous outfit pero wala rin akong magagawa. Not when dad says so.
Hating gabi na ng mapagpasyahan naming tapusin na ang celebration.
....
"Miss, graduates lang po ang pwedeng pumasok." sabi no'ng manong guard. Hinarangan ako nito nang papasok na ako.
I then realized hindi pala ako naka-tuga.
"Sorry po, pero graduates po ako" hingal kong sabi habang kinalkal ang bag na dala ko. Ipinakita ko dito yong pass na binigay sa aming mga graduates.
"Asan po yong tuga niyo?" tanong niya habang sinusuri ang pass ko.
"Nasa friend ko po. She's inside"
Pinapasok din ako ni manong. Tinungo ko ang chair kong saan ako naka assign dahil alam kong doon ko makikita ang kaibigan ko.
"Celene" tawag niya sakin habang kumakaway. Napangiti ako sabay takbo papunta sa kanya. Agad niyang binigay ang tuga ko para masuot ko.
"So? Success ba?" nakangising tanong niya.
Napabuga ako ng hangin. "I really don't know pero let just hope it will succeed"
Today is my graduation day and my family didn't know about it. They thought I'm just doing my usual school days but I'm not.
"I can't understand you, kong ako ang nasa sitwasyon mo, I'll surely brag about it. Nakuha mong e take ang kurso mong BS biology in just three years at magna cumlaude ka pa" exaggerated niyang pahayag.
I rolled my eyes and just shrugged..
"Come on, there's nothing to brag about it, Caren." Napabuntong hininga ito ng marinig muli ang sagot ko. Siguro sawa na sa paulit-ulit kong tugon kapag ganyan ang usapan namin.
The ceremony flew until it was time to go home and celebrates. But of course, a graduation ceremony will not be competed if there's no selfies. So, we took our time taking pictures. Nakatingin ako sa cellphone ko habang sinusuri ang mga shots when I heard someone grunted.
Napabaling ako sa likod ko.
"Can I have the opportunity to take a picture with the gorgeous Celene Athena Cruz?"
The guy had a deep voice that suits his handsome face. He's smiling at me. Naramdaman ko ang pagsiko sa akin ni Caren.
Nakangiwi ko namang binalingan ito. "You know Erickson?" bulong nito na hindi makapaniwala.
I shook my head in response.
"Girl, yan 'yong sinasabi ko na crush ko!" kinikilig pa niyang bulong.
I grinned at her as I remember. She's obsessed with this guy! Caren was blushing as she keeps on snatching glances at the man.
I don't know the man but for my best friend, makikipag picture ako. With her, of course!
"I don't know you mister but I'll take a picture with you"
He eyed me with amusement on his face.
"Well, that would be an honor. I've got a chance to have a picture with the famous snob princess" he said, that sounded like a mocking to me.
Napairap ako as he chuckled.
Pinagitnaan namin siya ni Caren. Seeing my best friend blushed, kinunan ko sila ng picture na sila lang.
Ericksson laughed while my friend blushed like a teenage girl. Hindi siya makatingin sa kasama. Erickson noticed her discomfort at saka niya ito inakbayan with a smirk on his face. Natawa na lang ako.
Afterwards, dinagsa ako ng mga ibang lalaki pagkakitang nakipag picture kami kay Erickson.
As I was walking towards our car, I received a text from dad. He instructed me to go in a restaurant. And so I went.
Didn't expect I would be welcomed with Dad's surprised, a celebration for my graduation.
Most of our visitors ay relative ni mamita as I don't know any relatives sa dad side ko.
But I shouldn't be shocked about this. It's always been like that, never pang nagpakilala si dad ng relative niya. He always says na wala nang natitirang kamag-anak ito.
.....
I groaned when I felt my stomach rumble. It's been a week since I graduated and I never had a chance to relax! Masyado akong naging abala.
Well, practically it's my fault. I wanted to finish the things that needs to be done. Returning tuga, getting documents, passing papers and stuff like that. I wanted to finish school related stuff sooner than later..
Today is Saturday and finally makakapag-relax na din ako after so many days of being busy!
Hindi pa sana ako babangon pero nag aalburoto ang tiyan ko, begging me to had my breakfast.
Nadatnan si dad sa sala na nagla-laptop. He seems busy kaya hindi ko na pinansin.
Napalinga-linga ako habang papunta sa kitchen, looking for my sisters. I doubted if they're still asleep cause I never saw them woking up late. It's always been me who's always late.
After having my breakfast, lumapit ako kay dad. I wanted to ask him but I refrained myself as he's still busy. Umupo na lang muna ako sa katabing sofa.
"Celene, e timpla mo nga ako ng kape," utos niya after five minutes of waiting.
Nabitawan ko ang hawak kong cellphone at napanganga sa kanya. I never heard him called me Celene without uttering Anak. It should be 'Celene anak'. Hearing him calling only my name was so unusual.
Kahit shocked, agad akong pumunta sa kusina para ipagtimpla siya ng kape. Pagkabigay ko nito ay agad akong nagtanong kung nasaan ba ang kambal.
"They wanted to go to mall kaya pinayagan ko," he said not bothering to glance at me. Nakatutuk ang buong attention nito sa laptop.
My forehead creased.
Why is he even here kung may work siya? He's supposed to be in his study room.
"Kasama si mamita dad?" I inquired which is obvious. Never pa yang pumayag na lumabas ang kambal ng walang chaperone.
"Hindi, nasa taas ang mamita mo, natutulog, masama daw pakiramdam"
Nanlalaki na mata ko saka siya tinitigan.
God! Kahit ata katapusan na ng mundo ngayon, hinding hindi yan papayag na lumabas ang kambal na sila lang.
"Seriously dad, pinayagan mo sila?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko.
"Oo naman bakit hindi"
Holy shit! ... Bakit hindi? Seriously? Nong hindi pa ako nag e-eighteen, halos mamatay matay ako sa pagkukumbinse sa kanya para lang mapayagan akong gumala pero heto siya ngayon, pinayagan ang twin sisters ko?
"That's just so unfair dad, nong ako ay hindi mo pinapayagang gumala pero ngayon pinapayagan mo na ang twin sisters ko? They're not even at age!" Hindi maitago ang bitterness sa boses ko.
"Is that how strict your father?" natatawang sabi niya.
"Dad! you're talking as if you're someone else" nanlalaki na matang sabi ko
Umiling iling lang ito habang tumatawa.
I can't believe him.
He seemed different. The dad I know would never allow my sisters to go out. God! How come he's so strict towards me but lenient at them?
After nang encounter namin ni dad, agad akong bumalik sa kwarto para magbasa. Hindi na ako nag atubiling lumabas at pinapadalhan nalang ako ng pagkain ni manang.
Time passed until I decided to check the time.
Nanlalaki ang mata ko nang makitang 12 AM na. God! I've been reading for the whole day pero hindi pa ako nagsasawa na magbasa!
I picked up my bookmark at saka nilagay sa page kung saan ako huminto.
Before I lose my consciousness, my mind lingered on what's wrong with my dad. He's not in his usual self.
.....