“I can’t believe this!”
“What?”
He looks at me, anger flashing across his eyes. “It’s your fault.”
“What?”
His anger makes my heart beat faster. I feel my hands tremble as I look at him. “What?”
“You shouldn’t have done this!” he yells.
I shake my head, tears pricking at my back of my eyes. I take a step back as he throws the phone on the ground, shattering it into pieces.
“This is your fault!” he yells again.
“Why?” I sob, holding my stomach. “My baby had nothing to do with this!”
“Shut up!” he yells louder than me. “This is all your fault!”
I shake my head again as tears fall down my eyes. I’m scared now. “Please, no. You’re scaring me.”
He glares at me, breathing heavily. “You should be scared.”
“I’m sorry,” I whimper.
“You should have thought about this before,” he roars. “You shouldn’t have gone out that night!”
I cry harder now. “I said I was sorry!”
“But it’s not enough!” he yells. “You can’t fix this!”
I nod, covering my face with my hands. “I know,” I sob harder. I wish I didn’t make that stupid mistake. This is all my fault.
“Just get out!” he roars. I nod, wiping my eyes quickly before I run back to my room and lock the door behind me. I collapse on my bed and cry harder. I never want to see my brother again. He’s right. I made a horrible mistake. I’m never going to live this down. I’m always going to regret making this mistake.
A few minutes later, I hear footsteps outside my room, but they walk away quickly.
I hold my stomach tighter as I cry. I wish this wasn’t happening, but it is.
My brother doesn’t talk to me for the next few days. I’m happy that he’s not talking to me because I don’t want to talk to him either. He blames everything on me, so he must hate me. I wish he would hate me, so it could be easier. But he’s always saying he loves me and is going to support me, which makes things harder.
My brother and I decide that it’s best for me to stay at home and take care of the baby while he goes out. I agree, knowing that I can’t go out while I’m pregnant. He tells me that he’ll give me the money from his job to help me take care of the baby, but that we’ll have to move out of the apartment to a cheaper one because there’s not enough room here.
I nod, agreeing with him. I don’t care about that as long as I don’t see my brother.
But as the months pass, I start to feel better. I stop feeling sick and start to move around again. I clean the house, make meals, and wash the laundry. I do everything I can to make sure I’m ready for the baby when they come.
I look out the window one day and see my brother standing outside, talking to one of his friends. I’m surprised because he hasn’t talked to any of his friends since I told him I was pregnant.
I open the window and lean out so I can hear what he’s saying. “No,” I hear him say. “You can’t talk to her.”
His friend doesn’t say anything, so my brother continues. “She’s my sister.” His friend says something that I don’t hear, so my brother responds again. “No! I already told you. No!” I watch as his friend walks away, and my brother glares after him.
He turns towards the apartment building and sees me standing at the window. His glare changes into a shocked expression as he takes a step forward.
I close the window, feeling nervous. I don’t want my brother to see me right now. I walk back to my room quickly and lock the door behind me.
A few hours later, my brother knocks on the door. “Caitlin,” he calls softly. “Can we talk?”
I shake my head and curl up in a ball. “No.” I don’t want to hear another mean thing from him.
He sighs. “Caitlin, I’m sorry about the other day. I didn’t mean it. I was just angry.” I hear him take a deep breath before continuing. “I was talking to my friend because I was thinking about telling him what happened that night. He’s the only one of my friends who I trust, so I wanted to know if he would tell anyone else. He promised he wouldn’t, but then he wanted to see you. I told him no because I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He pauses before continuing again.
“I’m sorry again, Cait. I love you. Please come out.”
I shake my head again. I don’t believe him. He can’t love me if he hates me. “Go away.”
He sighs again. “Okay. But we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay,” I say quietly, hoping that he won’t leave me tomorrow. I can’t take care of this baby by myself, so I need his help. I hold my stomach as tears prick at the back of eyes. I hope he won’t abandon me.
Three months later, my baby is born, and I name him Thomas. I’m surprised when I see my brother holding him and smiling as he rocks him back and forth. I’ve never seen my brother smile since I told him about my pregnancy, so this is a big change.
“I love you, Cait,” my brother says, looking up at me with a smile. “You did a good job.”
I smile back at him, feeling happy. “Thanks. You’re good with him.” I walk over to where my brother is sitting and stand over him. I see the happiness in his eyes, but there’s also sadness. I wonder why he’s sad.