"I'm home mom," bungad kong bati sa aking mommy.
"Where have you been?" she asked.
I kissed her in cheeks, "in the mall," I lied. Well, going in mall today is one of my plan but I'm super tired and I just want to sleep. Even it's just 3:00 pm. Ewan ko but I don't have courage to tell them that I'm volunteering at the orphanage. I know them, they will just tell to focus on my studies and ects. I hate explaining, but I know my limitations.
I'm a sweet girl inside of my heart but my actions says I'm a cold one. Perhaps, it was because the environment I'm living with. Did you ever feel that your life is peaceful, but you're confused if this really what you want to. Like walking on the tunnel alone without knowing where you are going? Well, well, I refer dreaming than overthinking what will happen next or to my future.
"Mommy Shay! I miss you na hihi, how's your day?" Bungad ni Aemie sa kabilang linya ng telephone. I called her because I know at the of the day, anxiety will attacks me again. She's the only one whom I can lean on, without any hesitation.
She's Aemie Joy Cervana, my best best best friend. We met online but our house is just far around 4 to 5 hours drive haha. She called me mommy Shay or Rie kapag normal lang, and I called her baby Aemie or just Joy. Well, we're literally best friends, same vibes, we understand each other, and most especially I love her genuinely. Ewan ko ba pero kapag sya na ang kausap ko sobra kulit ko na at ganon din naman sya. Medyo nakakatanda lang ang pag tawag nya saking mommy, minsan kasi I'm acting like a mom na and she act like a child. But, may time na nag kakabaliktad.
"A-ano, mag kakaroon ka na ng step father," kasamabay ng malakas kong tawa na may kasamang kilig. "Joke lang baby Aemie," I laughed. "I miss my Joy too. Just a tiring day but happy, how about my Joy?" inunahan ko na sya bago pa mag react ng kung ano.
"Ahh ayoko ng step father, gusto ko si daddy Kli—" hindi nya na natuloy ang sasabihin dahil pinatay ko na ang agad tawag. I'm not mad or what, I'm just teasing her. In the other side, I want to move on, it's just my crush. He's just my crush before, nothing else.
"Mommy Shay, sorry na abunjing bunjing, la la love, abunjing bunjing." panunuyo nya, nung sinagot ang tawag nya.
"Sira wala yon, pero seryoso Joy. I miss him," wala sa sariling sagot ko.
"I know," she said.
"Tama na nga 'to, change topic. Monday na ulit bukas magiging mark nanaman ako sa gedli, tahimik lang," i chuckled.
"Rie, try to make friends there, para hindi ka always mag isa. I'm really sorry I can't be with you always, bakit ba kasi ang layo natin sa isa't isa," aemie said in a very low voice. I felt her sadness, she knows me. I hate being in school, if only I can just study at home. I would probably choose that.
"Joy, don't worry about me huh, ako lang 'to si Shayrie. Don't be sorry too, okay? Speaking of, I met a girl kanina. She's super makulit and same age natin. Yun lang she's in different school, private school sya. She's nice too, her name is Xylie," I claimed.
"Hmm okay, it's good you can interact na in person," aemie.
"Yeah? I guess," I chuckled.
"Anyways, I have to go muna rie. Rest ka na mommy Shay, okay? Lalove, call me after your school tomorrow," she said.
"Hmm baby, lalove!" kasabay ng pag tango, as if naman makikita nya. I also ended the call.
Right now I felt alone, and peaceful. I'm in my room, so I just decided to read some books. With that I could sleep faster. Daddy is still on work and mommy is also busy with her personal stuffs.
"Hey c'mon, stop it. Everything will be alright, okay?" pangungumbinsi ko sa sarili habang ang luha sa aking mga mata ay nag uunahang dumaloy.
"F*ck?! No! Gosh, ang sama naman. This can't be," over acting kong sigaw habang mag isa sa kwarto ko. I'm currently reading a tragic novel and it's literally hits different. I can't help the tears falling from my eyes.
Most of people said, reading novels is a waste of time. I disagree, it's like a therapy, getting lost by fictions, and just living in the world doesn't exist. People will never understand how much it mean for us, readers. When the world make us feel lonely, novel and fictions will always there to hug you. It's priceless.
"Shayrie, baby, we will prepare dinner na. Praying na daddy mo, bumaba ka na dyan," sigaw ni mommy mula sa kusina. Hindi ko na maitago ang ngiti sa labi ko dahil, isa din sa pinaka paburitong oras ko araw araw. 10pm to 11pm, it's a time for us family to bond, even I'm their only child sometimes because of busyness, I felt lacking of attention and love from them. Though it's fine 'cause I understand, it's also for our future, my future.
Beep... beep... beep...
Busina na daddy mula sa labas ng aming tahanan, at nag madali na akong lumabas para pag buksan sya ng gate.
"Daddy," tawag ko sa kanya pag kalabas na pag kalabas ng sasakyan nya.
We hugged each other. "Hmm? Look," he said. Bitbit nya ang box of donuts, at binigay sa akin.
"Yiee, thank you so much po! Muah," I hugged him slightly. He's the best dad in the world, no one could surpass how much I love my dad.
We are now eating at our small dining table, mom and dad is just talking random stuffs. Ako naman ay mark lang sa gedli, tahimik lang. I'm just kidding, I'm really a quiet one even there's so many thoughts in my mind. Nakakatamad kaya mag salita, and I hate explaining also.
"Shayrie, 'tig dadalawa lang tayo. It's just 6 pieces of donuts, you're already too much on sweets. It's bad for your health," mom explained. My mom always teach me the value of equality, but why to world is unfair? She also teach me to balance everything, so with that, you can still be able to manage every situation. In the other hand, I won't stop listening and understand her, even she already said that I can take care of myself already. And I would be a great person someday, that she's proud of me.
"I miss him, a lot. I wish he's here," I whispered. As usual, it's 2am staring at the ceiling. More than 2 hours na ata akong nakahiga lang dito at wala nang ibang ginawa kundi mag isip.
Have you ever admire someone, that turns to love? Unfortunately, both of you are not meant for each other. You have different path, him also. Like, your brain says it's enough and your heart says fight for him. 'Cause he's worth fighting for. But how could you fight? If there's a big wall separating both of you. Admiring is just inspiration like others says, but no one says it could hurt this much.
He's always been there for me, supports me in my dreams. Understands everything about me. Most specially accepts and proud of what I am.
I still have class tomorrow but arghh. Bahala na, batak na 'to. Just kidding.
"Ms.Phatian, what is symbol in period table of gold?" tanong ng teacher namin sa science. Kailangan daw kasi naming masaulo ito para sa gagawing experiment next month.
"Au, po sir," mabilis kong sagot.
"Very good, ganon dapat kahit inaantok may alam. Right ms.phatian?" sir.
"P-po? O-opo, s-sorry po." nauutal na saad ko. Luh?! Si sir ohh, ewan ko kung pamumuri yon o pamamahiya. Okay lang yan, astig pa rin ako. Favorite pa naman kita sir hayts, nakaka wasak ng puso. I'm just kidding.
"Ah ahh ahhh!" napa sigaw na ako at hindi napigilan ang sakit. Ito din ang naging dahil upang maging sentro ako ng attention sa buong room.
"Why ms.phatian?" nag aalalang tanong ng teacher namin sa science.
"S-sir kasi po—" hindi ko na naituloy pa ang aking sasabihin.
"Natapakan ko kasi sya sir, hindi ko po napansin," pangunguna ng katabi kong babae. Which is kaklase kong maldita, I don't even know why she's so mean to me.
"Okay, you all seat properly," sir. Agad namang umayos ang lahat.
"Pabida kasi." bulong nung maldita kong kaklase.
"What did I do to you, huh? I don't even know your name. So please, I just want a peaceful highschool life. Also, you don't even bother to say sorry or apologize either?" mahabang saad ko. She's getting to my nerve, since day one and I'm just letting it pass. Then now, she's really passing the line. Arggh!
Ring... ring... ring...
Tunog ng bell sa buong paaralan namin dahil uwian na, finally.
"I'm not done yet, ms.phatian." pahabol nyang banta, bago tuluyang umalis sa room namin.
"Really, huh?" pabulong at naiinis na pag mamaktol ko.
Wala akong makitang dahilan para i-hate nya ako, first of all I don't have any friends. Even though I'm studying here from 1st year high school and now I'm 3rd year high school. Second, I'm not popular nor famous. Third, it's not my thing nor a fan to be on the top or to be a leader, officer and ects. Lastly, I'm not here to compete with other students. It's a waste of time for me. So why? Is she just hate me? For what? Ahh! Never mind.
"Babe!" bungad sa'kin ni Xylie, pag labas na pag labas ko ng room namin.
"Luh? Paano mo nalaman room ko? Bakit ka nandito? Kanina ka pa ba? May nangyari ba? Or what?" sunod sunod kong tanong sa kanya. Hindi ako sanay na may nag iintay sa'kin, it's actually my first time and I'm flattered. Even sa parents ko, I used to be independent. Since high school, I'm alone and trying not to be lonely.
"Kalma, isa isa lang. First, nag tanong ako kay manong guard buti nga kilala ka nya pinakita ko lang picture mo hehe," pa cute nyang paliwanag.
"Ahh, medyo close ko din kasi yon dahil lagi akong nalalate tapos pinapasok nya pa rin ako," I laugh. I remember when I'm first year high school, almost every akong late dahil napaka bagal kong kumilos. Buti na lang sya yung guard namin, napaka bait.
"Oo nga bait nya babe, 'tsaka yung iba mong tanong. Nandito ako kasi gagala tayo! Yehey! Bawal tumanggi, treat ko." para syang bata na binigyan ng lollipop.
"Ah, eh," nahihiyang pag paparinig ko.
"I, o u?" pang babara nya.
"Sige na nga, I have lots of free time pa naman. Pero! Hep! Sinasabi ko sayo, wag mo na ulit akong gagawing shield pag may aso hah!" I said.
"Hehe, peace na. Opo promise, muah muah." she pout.
"What if sa museum? Oh 'di ba ng may matutunan naman tayo habang gumagala. Kaso bawal ka pala don daldal mo," walang preno ang pag kakasabi ko.
"Sakit mo. Sad na ako every day, every night. Suyuin mo ako babe." umatake nanaman pagiging isip bata nya.
"Bala ka dyan," I said.
"Pero seryoso babe, museum tayo. 10 year old pa ata ako nung huli akong naka punta sa museum hehe," saad nya.
"Weh? 10 year old?" hindi maka paniwalang tanong ko.
"Oo nga babe," pang ngungumbinsi nya.
"Kung sa bagay bawal nga kasi maiingay don," seryoso sambit ko.
"Sige ganyan ka na hah," Xylie.
"Joke lang, tara na nga." hinila ko ang kamay nya at sabay kaming tumakbo palabas ng paaralan.
Them, my family, my friends, my fictions, my everything. They are the who's completing my life. Giving colors to a paper that have a empty white heart. Them, a piece of me.
—♡ If you felt that the world is being unfair, remember that you are his masterpiece. You have yourself!^°