Ghosting..awooh
The teacher started introducing his lessons, when Lay started to doodle at the back of his notebook. He loves art I think, he used to draw spaceships and aliens and I called him "freak" for that.
But I won't do that again. I wanted to ask him, why did he volunteer to come here, but I won't ask him. I won't.
"May eraser ka?" tanong niya bigla.
Hindi pa'ko sumasagot ng bigla niyang binuhat ang bag ko at sinimulang kalkalin ito.
The fuck? Close tayo agad?
I tried to be patience at tinignan lang siya ng matagal, trying to tell him,
'what are you doing?'
But he didn't care at keeps rummaging my bag. I keep tapping my fingers on my armchair trying to get his attention and finally tumingin siya. At nabigla ako sa sumunod niyang ginawa. He holds my fingers down na parang pinagco-compare niya ang mga arms namin.
"Uy Ces, pumuti ka ng konte,"
Hindi ako makapagsalita because this felt familiar. Some familiar memories we've shared I'd like to forget.
Three years ago, I met him as a new classmate. Na assign siya sa tabi ko and I think he's a silent type of person which is good kasi ayoko sa mga maiingay. Bago pa kami maging magclassmate, I knew him already. His family has quite a reputation in school. If my grandfather owns the biggest villa in the province, his parents own the most of the private hospitals here. Not only that, he's grandfather is the governor of this place at magkakilala sila lolo ko. I usually see his Grandfather sa Villa na ginagawang common meeting place ito with his political party.
I don't usually smile or greet a new classmates, at pati ata siya. He seemed snob.
Our teacher was delivering her Math lesson, Geometry, at that time.I was tapping my hand. I don't know if it's a mannerism. But I do that all the time, when I am attentive to something.
Then, he curled his fist and slowly raised his hand na parang mamamartilyo, and it landed on my fingers to stop me from tapping.
"Ang ingay, can't listen well".
I was annoyed akmang aalisin ko sana ang kamay ko, mas inipit pa niya ito ng mahigpit and said,
"ang itim mo pala" sabay tawa.
I did not comprehend well his insult at sapilitang tinanggal ang kamay kong iniipit niya, but he suddenly free it at dahil dun biglang tumama ang siko ko sa likod ng upuan ko.
"Aray" napahiyaw naman ako sa sakit. Parang nakuryente ang buong sistema ko dahil sa siko ko at dahil dun automatic na hinimpas siya ng notebook ko. Nalukot ang mukha niya at tumingin ng masama.
"Mr. Miguel at Ms. Salvacion, kung maghaharutan kayo sa klase ko, better get out!" bulyaw ng teacher at sabay sabay namang nag "ayieeehhhhh" ang mga k-klase namin. Tumahimik tuloy kami pareho.
From that day on, we started teasing each other, insulting each other, talking to each, being comfortable with each other because we were seatmates for almost a year, almost. Na dumating sa puntong nasanay na'ko sa presence niya, na his existence become significant in my eyes. I opened up to him which I don't usually do.
Hindi kasi ako sanay makipag usap sa mga lalaki. Konti lang mga lalake sa buhay ko - my grandfather,my family, minsan mga pinsan kong lalaki, at si Steve Reel Rivas because he's been by long time classmate. I am awkward around boys, ayokong makipag usap sa kanila as possible. I never had a boyfriend or,in other word, NBSB. But I will not brag about it. I never had crush to a normal person, I usually giggle and admire fictional characters from books or movies.
Pero dumating si Lay, he happened.
I finally felt I'm a normal teenager, because of the alien feelings he made me feel. I can't help but to blush when he's putting his head on my desk. May sarili naman siyang desk but he keep invading my space.
'Pag humihiram siya ng gamit ko, he casually searches my bag without my permission. I don't know, ang yaman yaman niya pero palagi siyang nanghihiram.
Minsan nga naghahanap siya ng ruler, then when his hand slipped inside my bag, he suddenly froze, at dramatically removed his hand and hanged it infront of my face.
I nearly died of embarrassment, kasi dumikit yung bubblegum na nginuya ko't tinapon sa bag sa mismong kamay niya. At dahil mapride ako, sinabihan ko siya na karma niya 'yon kasi hindi siya marunong magpaalam.
But what I appreciate about him is that , he do things for me like helping me in drawing subject, because it's my weakness. He also like solving our math assignments, kasi magaling siya sa Mathematics. Actually, kaya ko naman pero palagi lang talaga akong tinatamad. Hindi ako sanay ng may tumutulong sa akin, pero andyan siya lagi.
I can't help but to felt amused 'nung hindi siya makapaniwala na mas mataas ang mga grades ko sa kanya.
"So, napakatalino mo nga talaga, gaya ng sabi ng iba". He said it with admiration and my heart was fluttered.
I usually hear it from other people but the way he praised me I'd say I like the feeling of it.
Sinasamahan niya rin ako sa classroom, 'pag nag-iisa ako and he always tease me with my skin complexion, but comforts me again after,
Na' okay lang yan kasi pareho lang daw naman kami ng kulay ng aso nila, bwiset.
He became my punching bag for a while, because I usually punch him when I'm upset at 'pag trip ko lang. We keep each other company for a long time, na parang may sarili kaming mundo.
But it happened so fast, I was blinded by own expectations and my own understanding of what we had.
Akala ko, we can be something.
He never said he like me. Tama nga naman, wala siyang sinabing gusto niya ko.
Kaya akala ko lang pala yun. I did not even bother to look into the bigger picture. After the Christmas break,
...he came back with a girlfriend.
Hinablot ko ang bag ko at di ko siya pinansin. He looked sad pero ngumiti pa rin.
"Easy, easy nagagalit ka na naman agad, but
-- I miss it". Mahina niyang bulong sa huling mga salitang binigkas niya pero nagkunwari akong walang narinig.
And he gets back to his drawings, na parang wala siyang sinabi, na walang nangyari. I hate him for that.