Sa gitna ng kapayapaang dinaranas mo, there will always that one thing or just maybe a person that will broke the serenity that you're enjoying somehow. Will it be a destruction? Or a sweet and lovely destruction?
Yesterday was indeed painful day, again. Our plan to travel around Sorsogon together was been cancelled. Pero dahil nanghinayang na rin ako sa perang nagastos for the fare, hotel reservations and other expenses kaya I decided to travel with my closest cousin, Angie. Ayoko naman kasing magmukhang emo although mukha nga akong ganun ngayon kaya I offered her to come with me. She knows what happened because after Leandro walked out to my unit, I called her agad. I cried until I became okay. Kaya agad rin siyang pumayag kasi sayang rin daw naman. Inisip ko na ring ituloy kasi nakakapagod rin na puro nalang cancelled ang mga planned travel namin ni Leandro. Gusto ko ring makalanghap ng sariwang hangin. Magpapalamig para after this travel, pagbalik ko, baka maging okay na ulit kami ni Leandro.
"Siya nanaman ba iniisip mo Cous? Ano ka ba! Let's enjoy the beach. Hwag kang magmukmok. Let's take a pic. Ako ang magsisilbing photographer mo ngayon. Dali na. Labas ka na rin muna, let's breakfast together ha?" And she exited. We are currently staying here at Subic, Matnog, our 1st stop for 5 days. Yesterday night, we travel at dumating kami dito ng mag-aalas 3 ng umaga kaya kahit alas 7 na eh I'm still inside our cottage.
Hindi ako nagkamaling ituloy ang plano because Subic is indeed one of the most beautiful and cleanest beach here in the Philippines. Those white sand na umabot hanggang ilang kilometro ang layo from dalampasigan to the sea. It was really wonderful. Sea water was really transparent, so clean. Iniisip ko pa lang, na-eexcite na akong maligo. Ang laki rin ng beach kaya kahit maraming tao'y hindi problema.
Sobrang welcoming ang ambiance and as well as the management. Hindi nakakapagsisi.
Kahit medyo mamahalin ang cottage, it was fine dahil ang gaan sa pakiramdam when I'm inside. It's so comfy that it hard for me to come outside.
But I got up hurriedly when Angie knocked asking if I'm ready.
"I'll come out when I'm ready. Thank you Anj."
I opened my baggage and look for a two-piece suit. Agad kong kinuha at isinuot ang kulay puting bikini na pinatungan ko ng shorts and crop top.
Pagkatapos ay lumabas na ako to eat some breakfast with Anj delivered by the management here as I requested.
Pagkarating namin sa beach, agad naman akong kinuhanan ni Anj ng larawan wearing only my white bikini with my body  facing the sea ngunit nakatigilid ng bahagya ang mukha ko. Nasa likod ko kasi siya when she captured it.
"Stop it Anj. I should be the one taking pictures of you kasi as far as I remember, ikaw 'tong mahilig magpost sa insta mo. Akin na." Sabi ko sabay abot ng kamay kong nakabukas sa kaniya but she rejected my offer.
"Cous, minsan ka lang magsuot ng ganiyan kaya let me capture the beauty of you na matagal nang inalamag dahil sa loko-lokong boypren mo." Natatawa niyang sabi. Na dinugtungan ng mapang-asar na ngisi.
"What are you thinking? I know you." Agad kong tanong kasi I feel like she's planning something against my will. Ganun siya parati when we are together.
"Wala naman. Feel ko lang na magpost ng picture mo since puro nalang mukha ko ang pinopost ko. Para maiba." She said it like it was the best photo that needed to be posted. Kaya aagawin ko na sana ang kaniyang phone when she suddenly run away from me with her laugh. She's crazy. I know she is. Tss.
I don't have any choice but to swim alone and enjoy the beauty of Subic. Good thing it's early kaya hindi pa gaanong masakit sa balat ang init.
This is the first time I chose myself. To be free. To not be affected. Ngayon ko lang pinili ulit maging carefree. I miss this. I miss my old self. I miss those time that I can decide with own and not relying too much sa iba. Leandro is such a material boyfriend, husband na nga eh. Kaya I kept on relying myself sa kaniya kasi he's really good. Utang ko sa kaniya ang buhay ko. Minsan nga naiisip ko na he's just too good for me kaya iniintindi ko nalang lahat. Kahit nakakamiss yung ako dati, I'll never trade my relationship with him. I love him and I really do.
My friends usually call me obsessed with him. I know. I always chose him over them. Alam kong palagi kong nasasaktan ang mga kaibigan ko. Amanda, Rhoan, Brix, and so on. They were my college friends. At simula nung maging kami ni Leandro, we grew apart. Minsan kinukulit pa nila ako pero hindi ko na sila madalas napagbibigyan at nakakausap.
When I feel completely fine, umahon na ako at mas piniling maupo sa tabing dagat na nakukulimliman ng isang malaking puno.
My mom got worried when she knows na itinuloy ko pa rin ang plano namin. Hindi nila alam ang nangyari at ang alam lang nila ni Dad, Leandro has an emergency from his company. It's his family's company, pero since nag-iisang anak siya ng kilalang businessman sa Pilipinas na si Anton Rodriguez, kaya siya na rin ang namamahala nito sa ngayon.
His mom is a known actress as well just like my mom, Tita Alliana. Madalas pa nga silang pagkumparahin kasi magkaibang network sila. Mom was fine with it, hindi ko lang sigurado kay Tita. Sa anim naming magkarelasyon ni Leandro, 3 beses ko pa lamang nakakausap ang kaniyang parents at sa mga same events pa na dinadaluhan namin. She speaks to me as well but I can feel that it's just for Leandro's request. Minsan kasi napapansin ko ang pagkadisgusto nya sa akin. Maybe because my Mom is Vreza Ruz, the known actress na itinatapat madalas sa kaniya. It's fine with me. As long as Leandro still pursuing me.
Natapos ang mga iniisip ko sa isang stolen picture ni Anj sa akin. Bigla nanaman itong sumulpot sa harap ko just to took a pic. And then sit beside me like she's in a deep thought out of a sudden.
"Cous, you know you're beautiful right? I mean, beautiful is just understimation. You are wonderful."
"Pinagsasabi mo? Ano nanamang pabor 'yan at parang napakaseryoso mo." Pabiro kong sambit just to lessen the heavy situation. Alam ko na kung saan patungo ang usapan namin.
"Seriously, you're just too good to be in that situation. You don't deserve him. The love that he has for you is not enough para manatili ka sa kaniya. You know how much we love you. And knowing na nagkakaganiyan ka, hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako mananahimik. Lalo kapag nalaman 'to nila Kuya Ej..."
"No. I love him and that is enough reason to stay no matter what Anj. I know you understand me. Please, don't tell it to them."
"Cous, seriously, you don't. Hindi mo siya mahal lang. I know exactly why you chose to stay over and over again sa kabila ng mga pinagagawa niya sayo. For God sake, Cous, ako ang kausap mo. Sa lahat ng tao, ako ang nakakaalam ng rason mo. So stop saying that you just love him and nothing more kasi we both know that it's just not. Anyway, let's go there, may videoke part akong naririnig dun. Let's sing it loud."
Nagpahigit na ako sa kaniya habang malalim na iniisip ang napag-usapan namin ni Anj. Pinilit kong iwaglit ang mga ito sa isipan at naupo sa katabi ni Anj na namimili na ng kakantahin.
After Anj sung the day you said goodbye by hale, she pass the microphone to me while a song Ikaw at Ako by Moira is playing.
Nagtaka ako sa song choice that Anj gave me but I ended up singing the song.
Magko-chorus na ako when someone sung my line. It was a male voice kaya napalingon ako sa likod ko kung saan nanggagaling ang boses when I stand up out of a sudden because of him.
Matutuwa na dapat ako sa pag-aakalang si Leandro ito and he just decided to follow me here kaso I was beyond disappointed ng makita si Andrew.
Yes, si Andrew. Ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko kasama ngayon si Leandro, singing the song with me as if we're perfectly fine.
As if we're not a perfect stranger.