The Beginning of My End
Harvezana, Marie Oceana
It took me a long time before arriving at this conclusion. My past experiences taught me that being rich won't get you enough true friends.
Believe me. I've been there and it's not new anymore, having no friends and being isolated from everyone else.
They despised me for what the hell their reason is. As much as I tried to understand them, in the end, I always arrive at this same conclusion.
The only option is to pretend that you never know something.
If you did, everything will fall into place. The flow of time will continue as if nothing happened.
As I was strolling near the sea, I saw a dim light. It was small but capable of being noticed even by someone like me. I followed the light and ran after it but I found myself screaming afterward when I realized I was already falling on a cliff.
I opened my eyes, full of sweat. I looked around and saw my mother's worried face.
"Are you okay, Marie?"
I catch my breath first before responding to her. "I just dreamt of something bad, Mom."
She pushed my damped hair that was covering my face aside. "Do you want to come back?"
She looked at me as if she already knew my answer even though I haven't told her anything. "Yes..."
My mother gave me a reassuring smile before nodding. We synchronously looked at the door that was just opened when my Dad entered the room.
"Hey, ladies." Dad kissed Mom's cheeks and then, went to my forehead to give me a kiss. He suddenly sighed as he eyed me. "Still having a nightmare?"
I avoided his eyes because I couldn't answer his question. I knew that he's not even expecting an answer from me.
"We're going back tomorrow." He said as if he was here earlier, knowing what my mother and I decided.
After they went out of my room I sighed. I looked outside the window.
I saw the trees dancing. The wind whistled loudly and there were tiny bits of drizzles.
I don't want to go outside again.
It scares me.
It intimidates me.
I opened my phone and saw nothing. No updates, no messages, and no calls. I shook my head and rested my back on the headboard.
This is nothing new.
This is my usual routine after everything that happened.
Just like my father said, the morning after last night, we immediately decided to go back.
The day has already come.
Finally.
"This is our new home, ladies." I looked at the surroundings. There are many trees and I can hear birds chirps. It is a new feeling and new ambiance but the word 'afraid' can't leave my system quickly.
How can I live here? I don't know someone here.
But isn't it better for it will make you safer?
That's right. It's better to not know someone. It's better to not get attached to them.
It's better to start a new life.
"Marie, I already applied you to one of the nearest school here. I hope you are fine with that." I just nodded. I don't think I can do something about that. I don't even want to go back to school again but I know I should and I will.
"We're going to buy your supplies later. Be ready, okay? I'll call you later but for now, just rest." Mom said before closing the door of my room.
I really don't want to join them. I just want to stay here. I do not want to go in crowded places.
I scanned the surrounding once we reached the mall. I gripped my shirt tightly as I could. My mother insisted to visit a boutique for our clothes before going to the supplies store. I didn't protest because I feel like someone's been watching me since I stepped my foot here.
After a few minutes of sitting inside the boutique, suddenly, my mother's presence was nowhere to be seen.
I cannot find my mother.
I cannot see her.
I felt how the sales ladies looked at me. I think they were worried but it didn't give me any favor.
"Who are you with?" Someone asked as she grabbed my arms. I immediately brush it off in terror but the woman who held me looks shocked with her wide eyes and I do not know if I saw it right but she looked at me confusedly.
"Sorry..." She hesitantly said, regretting her actions. "Kasama mo ba ang magulang mo? Gusto mo bang dalhin kita sa—"
"No! 'Wag mo kong hawakan! Go away!" I closed my eyes as I pushed her away.
Biglang dumating ang isang lalaki na pormal ang suot at tuluyang lumapit saakin, hinawak niya ang braso ko. I squealed at his touch.  "Wait, hindi ako masamang tao. I'm the manager of this place."
I felt him touching my hair and I couldn't do anything but to try pushing him away but he won't budge.
Please go away.
I feel so weak while trying to push the people who tried to touch me.
Tama na.
"Mom! Dad! H-help me." I couldn't recognize my voice, pleading so much to be saved. Narinig ko ang bulong- bulungan ng mga tao na sa tingin ko ay nakikichismis lang.
When someone tried to touch me again, I flinched. "Ang sabi ko 'wag niyo akong hawakan!"
"Marie Oceana Harvezana." I heard someone said. Naramdaman ko ang pag-akay niya saakin papunta sa pinakamalapit na upuan.
Pinainom niya ako ng tubig and it calms me down a bit. "Okay ka na ba?"
Tumango nalang ako biglang sagot sa tanong niya.
How did he know my name?
Nagkaroon lang kami ng mahabang titigan. Other people were trying to reach out to me but I always flinch whenever they're near me.
"Mikee, halika na." I heard someone calling him.
"Sige, susunod na ako."
He tried to stand up but I held his shirt. He looked at me with confusion as if he is asking why am I holding his shirt.
"Marie! What are you doing?" Hinila ni Mom ang mga kamay ko sa pagkakahawak at the guy. "Sorry, hijo. Pagpasensyahan mo na ang anak ko." The guy smiled at my mom and waved a goodbye at me.
Mom pulled me away from that store. "What happened, Marie? I asked you before to refrain yourself from doing that..." She said in a hushed voice.
Hindi ako nakasagot sa tanong niya at nanatiling tahimik lang sa tabi niya.
"What's happening here?" Dad asked habang palipat-lipat ang tingin saamin ni Mom.
"Marie caused a commotion."
Napatingin si Dad saakin at matunog na bumuntong-hininga.
"Pyry, sige na. Sa bahay na natin pagusapan ito."
I hid at the back of the door as I heard them talking about me and my situation. I bit my lip as I tried hard to suppress everything inside me that only burdened them.
I closed my eyes. Trying to stop myself from crying.
Hindi pwede.
Didn't you promise yourself to inhibit yourself from crying?
Mabilis akong lumabas ng bahay nang marinig kong wala na sila.
I ran as fast as I could not knowing where the right part is. I found myself in a dark abandoned place.
Kailan pa ako nakarating dito?
I shivered just by looking at this place.
Bakit may ganitong lugar dito sa Maynila... hindi ba'y dapat na puro estraktura lamang ang makikita?
Someone grabbed my hand and my heart couldn't stop beating so fast. "Go aw—" I wasn't given a chance to protest as I immediately recognized the guy who held my hand.
"Bakit ka nandito?" He asked out of curiosity. Nakakunot ang noo.
Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking mga kamay. "Stop touching me."
At sa di inaasahang pagkakataon tumapat ang liwanag ng buwan sakanya. I clearly saw his smile. "Okay, you look adorable, though."
He laughed whole-heartedly. I looked at him with disgust.
Who the hell is he to laugh at me like that?
Inangat niya ang kamay at tumingin sa kanyang orasan. "It's already 10:00 pm. Bakit nasa labas ka pa?"
I want to ask him too.
Why are you still here? Standing in front of me?
Nagsimula siyang maglakad and before I realized it I am following him like a scaredy-cat.
We were walking silently nang matapilok ako dahil sa ugat ng mga puno.
Nakita ko na lamang ang likod niya papalayo mula saakin. "A-aray." Daing ko ng maramdaman ang malaking sugat epekto ng pagkakatalisod.
"Clumsy, Marie." I quickly find the owner of the voice. I saw him looking at me intently and in just a snap of time I was being carried by this guy.
Imbes na matakot ay nakaramdam ako ng comfort. Siya lang ang nakapagparamdam saakin ng ganito. Sakanya lang ako nakaramdam ng kapayapaan.
I didn't know that time was running so fast at this time.
Nakarating kami sa tapat ng gate at pinindot ang doorbell. Agad naman siyang pinagbuksan ng aming maid.
"Miss, anong nangyari sainyo?" The maids were looking at us habang tinatahak namin ang daan patungo sa sala.
I heard different footsteps from upstairs. Mabibigat ito at tila nagmamadali.
"Anong nangyari, Marie?" Nag-aalalang tanong ni Mom saakin.
Dad looked at the person who is carrying me. "And... you are?" nakakunot ang noo at tila asar sa pangyayari.
"I'm Mikee Asher Charlston. Nakita ko po siya kanina sa labas at natapilok siya kaya tinulungan ko po siya." Tumango si Dad.
"Wait, ikaw ba yung nasa mall kanina?" He—Mikee nodded.
"Lillette, asikasuhin niyo ang bisita." I shifted my gaze to Mom.
Why is she panicking like there's no tomorrow? Binaba ako ni Mikee. Mom and Dad looked at me intently. Though it stings, I need to go upstairs like what their eyes are telling.
Naglakad ako ng paika-ika. I went to my room and washed myself again in the bathroom. I reached for the first aid kit and cure myself alone.
I went out of the bathroom and tried to sleep again. I accidentally looked at the clock. 11:58 pm. I shut my eyes and darkness summoned me.
I woke up feeling nauseous pero hindi ko nalang binigyan ng pansin. Marahil ay nabigla lang sa pagkakaupo mula sa pagkakahiga.
Nakita ko silang naguusap. "Mom... Dad..." Napatigil sila nang makita ako.
"Marie, are you all right? Magaling na ba ang sugat mo?"
Napipilitan akong ngumiti. "Medyo po." Umupo ako sa harap nila at nagsimulang kumain.
Naalala ko bigla ang nangyari kagabi. "Asan po si Mikee? Nakauwi po ba siya ng maayos?"
Mom's lips twitched. Mukhang galit.
"'Wag kang lumapit kung kani-kanino." I couldn't answer at that.
Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagsiko ni Dad kay Mom.
"Mas makakabuti nga na may kaibigan siya dito." Sabi bigla ni Dad at alanganing tumingin kay Mom.
Mom, then, looked frustrated. Hindi na siya muling nagsalita hanggang matapos ang pagkain namin ng umagahang 'yon.
"Kailan ang pasukan niyo?"
Napatigil ako nang muling marinig ang tinig niya. Hindi ako agad nakasagot dahil sa pagkabigla sa pagdating.
Napapansin pa pala ako. All the while I thought I was already invisible in other people's eyes.
"N-next week." I couldn't look at his eyes.
Every time I look at him pakiramdam ko ay binabasa niya ako. It feels like he really knows me and suddenly, silence filled the whole area. Muntik kong makalimutan kung anong sasabihin ko sakanya. I'm glad that he's here.
"Uh—ano nga pa lang ang sinabi nila sa'yo last night?"
He smiled. "Wala lang."
Napakunot ang noo ko ng sumilay ang isang ideya sa aking utak. "Did they hurt you? Did they told you unbearable things?"
Laki matang tumingin siya saakin. "W-what—" patuloy siyang humagalpak ng tawa. Anong problema nito? Is he crazy?
"Are you laughing at me?"
Imbes na sagutin ay tinawanan lang muli ako. Am I really that loudy to be laughed at?
As far as I remember, I've got no jams! That's why others didn't bother to care for me.
I stood up and was ready to walk away from him when he stopped laughing that made my head turned at him. "You are adorable, Marie..."
I blushed at what he said. "Uhm—" All the words I know left me. There's a lump in my throat.
"Are you that concerned about me?" I slightly nodded. "Don't worry about it. Wala naman." Tumango ako not knowing if I need to add more about our convo or just to stay quiet but it's better to stay quite right?
"Bago ka lang ba sa Maynila?" I nodded. Though I've been here two times I guess. "Sa'n ka mag-aaral?"
Agad kong sinabi kung saan at para siyang naka-jackpot. "Wow, same!"
I smiled.
Sabay kaming napatingin sa kumaluskos sa may damuhan. He went there so fastly na hindi ko siya nabalaan to stop there. He might be in danger.
I ran towards him at nasa loob na siya ng madaming puno, mukha ng gubat dahil sa dami nito.
Bakit may ganito rito? I was scared like a piece of hell. I hate dark places. I hate it. I hate forests.
"Mikee, umalis na tayo." Hinila ko siya sa palapulsuhan niya but he didn't bulge.
Naramdaman ko ang paghampas ng malakas na ihip ng hangin. Takot akong tumingin sa harap.
He was there!
"Mikee—umalis na tayo! Please!" nanlaki ang mata niya at kaagad akong hinila dahil sa pagmamadali ay natapilok ako. "Ouch!"
"Are you okay? Sorry." I glanced at our back.
"Go away, I can't even walk in this kind of state. Please, save yourself."
"What the hell are you talking about? Bakit kita iiwan dito?" Naramdaman ko na lamang na inaangat niya ako. "I don't leave people behind, you know."