JULIE ANN
EVERYDAY AY ginawa palagi ni Drake ang nakagawian nya. He always gave me flowers, ilalabas nya ako upang mamasyal, kakain at kahit na ano pa.
Noon, I am always vocal that I really don't want to get marry with him. Na ayaw ko talaga sa kanya. Na gusto ko talagang maging malaya. Yung tipong ikaw ang pipili sa taong papakasalan mo.
But now, seeing him doing efforts just to make me happy making me less vocal to him. Hindi ko na sinasabi sa kanya na ayaw ko sa kanya. Kung noon ay palagi ko siyang binabara ay hindi na ngayon. He somewhat feel na may pag-asa siya sa akin.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero I hate to admit it, wala talaga akong nararamdaman sa kanya.
I appreciate his efforts. I like how he makes me happy everyday by sending flowers and even chocolates. I am somewhat feel comfortable with him. But... that's it.
"Julie..." nabalik ko ang aking isip sa reyalidad. Nasa restaurant kami ngayon kumakain. I saw seriousness in his face. "Palagi akong masaya kapag nakikita kita. My day will always be complete kapag kasama kita. Your smiles, your laughs, your eyes, everything about you ay palaging nasa isip ko." he said while holding my hand.
His face screams seriousness and sincerity. When I say sincerity, he has the most sincere voice ever.
I don't know what to react. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nya sinasabi iyon sa akin.
"Like I said, kahit na hindi tayo ipina-arrange marriage ng parents natin, ikaw parin ang gusto kong papakasalan." dagdag na sabi nya. "Julie..." nabigla ako nung nakita ko ang mga mata nya. It is already teary.
Damn! I don't know what to do. Bakit siya umiiyak?
I reached for the tissue para parihan ang luha nya ngunit agad nyang hinawakan ang aking kamay causing me to stare at him.
"I love you, Julie..." sinserong sabi nya habang nakatingin sa aking mata. And the last words he uttered makes my hands tremble. "Can you be my girlfriend?"
Parang nawalan ako ng lakas dahil dahil sa tanong nya. Those words are the one whom I wish to hear. Matagal ko na iyang hinahangad na marinig because I really want a romantic love story. Yung pareho kayong nararamdaman sa isa't isa.
But... this time, yang tanong na iyan ang kinakatakutan ko.
Damn! It's my fault for letting him feel na may pag-asa siya sa akin. It's my fault for letting him feel na somehow nagugustuhan ko na siya- which is true but not as what he seemed it is.
Dapat sa simula pa lang ay kinarer ko na lang ang pagiging vocal sa kanya. Na hindi ko ito gusto. Na wala talaga akong nararamdaman sa kanya.
What now Julie? Ano na ang sagot mo? I-re-reject mo siya matapos mo siyang pakitaan ng motibo?
Sh*t! Just a sh*t.
I let go of my hands. Tiningnan ko siya at hindi ko namalayan na may luha na palang lumalabas sa mga mata ko.
"S-so---" I suddenly stopped. I cannot spill it. Noon palagi ko itong sinasabi sa kanya in an easy way pero ngayon ang hirap. Ang hirap lalong lalo na na kasalanan mo at tinatrato mo na siya bilang bahagi ng buhay mo- a friend.
Right. Maybe I should be back to my original me. Dapat maging transparent na ako sa kanya.
Sh*t this life. I really hate my parents for letting me experience this.
Pinahiran ko ang aking luha at matatag na tiningnan siya.
"Right from the start, I already told you that I don't like this idea." I say straight. "And right from the start I already told you that... that I don't like you." I added without cracking my voice.
I saw how his face change a reaction. His smile is already gone. Napalitan iyon ng lungkot at pagtataka.
"H-hindi ba nagbago iyon? I-is my effort not enough? S-saan ako nagkulang, Julie? S-saan?" he asked with his saddest tone.
I didn't reply because I didn't freaking know the answer. Kahit na ako ay hindi ko alam kung kulang paba talaga ang effort nya.
"Y-you give me hope, Julie. Pinaramdam mo rin sa akin na komportable kana sa akin which I came into conclusion na maaaring maging akin kana without thinking the arranged marriage." he said, wiping his tears.
"That was all a lie, Drake. Lahat ng ipinakita't ipinaramdam ko sa'yo ay hindi totoo because I am also wanted myself to believe it. Pero wala talaga eh..." sabi ko sa kanya at napaawang bibig nya.
"Right. So wala talagang pag-asa? I thought this was my happiest night ever kaso hindi pala." he said while nodding his head repeatedly. Napayuko na lamang ako. "Okay. Kung hindi ka madaan sa ganito, then good luck nalang sa atin, future wife." he scoffed at umalis palabas ng restaurant.
Awtomatikong bumagsak ang mga luha ko pagkaalis nya.
Hindi ko talaga alam kung may sira ba talaga ang feelings ko. Kahit ako ay hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi umepekto sa akin ang mga efforts ni Drake.
Most of the women are dreaming of Drake Sandoval yet here's me, rejecting him.
Hindi ko alam kung may hinahanap ba akong iba kaya hindi tumatalab sa akin ang mga efforts at kagwapuhan ni Drake.
I felt guilty right now. Hindi sa dahil gusto ko nalang supurtahan ang plano nina mama at papa- as if naman may magagawa pa akong iba- kundi dahil sa pagiging paasa ko. Pinapaasa ko si Drake na walang-wala sa plano ko.
I only did that for myself to believe na magkaroon ako ng pag-asang maka-experience ng romantic relationship kay Drake at hindi ko ine-expect na gusto nya akong tanungin ngayon upang maging girlfriend nya.
Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice. "I never thought that you cry this much." sabi nito.
Kahit na hindi ko lilingunin siya ay alam ko na kung sino.
Hindi ko siya sinagot. Mayamaya ay bigla siyang umupo sa harapan ko- to where Drake seated a while ago- and handed me the tissue, and on the other hand, his handkerchief.
"Pili ka kung ano'ng gusto mong gamitin." he said while handing those things in front of me. I bet he's smiling.
I look at him and yeah, I am really right that he's smiling.
Then I grabbed his handkerchief. I prefer hankies than tissues dahil hindi ito mabubutas sa sipon.
I forcefully smile. "Thank you... Paul Sr."
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