NAG-AAGAW ang dilim at liwanag noong lumabas ako sa aming bahay. Patuloy ako sa paghakbang palayo sa aming bahay hanggang sa marating ang bukana ng kagubatan. When I entered the forest, I could only hear the chirping of the animals around me. I didn’t feel anything, even the fear I forgot as well.
Tunog ng mga tuyong dahon na naapakan ko at nilikhang paghila ng mga bagahe ang pumailanlang sa katahimikan ng kapaligiran. I had no emotion as I walked along a rocky road. Ilang beses na rin akong napadaan dito, kaya siguro halos nasanay na rin. Ang daan na ito ang short cut para makarating sa terminal ng bus.
Pumasada ang daliri ko sa mahabang buhok at inipon paunahan. I had to dye my own hair because of the strange color that doesn't suit for mortal humans. I sighed as I touched my new black hair.
Moments later, I could clearly see the light. I went out of the forest and went to the old waiting shed. In the waiting shed people are waiting for the bus to Dimali. Sa mga oras na ito'y kakaunti pa lamang ang dumadaan dito.
Less than a few minutes later the bus I was looking, suddenly stopped. I'm probably very lucky today. I quickly gathered the luggage and went inside. I turned around to find a place to sit but I heard whispers. "She's not Chinese, you can see her eyes aren't narrowed right? But she’s weird when it comes to fashion style." I clearly heard them. Nagtawanan silang apat. Sandali akong natigilan. The memories I forgot come back, the times I was bullied by other people. Kinalma ko ang sarili. Tuwid ang pagkakatingin ko sa daan. I ignored them.
"She looks like an ancient woman in China." My forehead furrowed. I just quietly walked over and glanced at the vacant seats. Fortunately, no one was sitting in the back, so I sat there.
Of course, I'm weird. I understand what they are thinking, my fashion style is not really normal. I was wearing a black chinese costume that went over my feet. My black hair is long and straight. I also wore a black cloak to cover half of my face which looked mysterious.
My parents said that this kind of dress was a tradition in their family. Kung para sa kanila'y wierdo ito, sa akin naman ay hindi, dahil ganito ang mga damit ni Nanay. Why is physical appearance so important to people? Bakit imbes na panloob nila ang pagandahin ay panlabas ang pinagtutuunan ng pansin?
"Maybe she'll attend a party?" Dramatic comment by a girl. I glanced over, her eyebrows painted with make up. The accents of her speech were familiar. Masyadong pabebe at maarte. The complexion was white and she's obviously grew up in the city.
It looks like they are going on vacation here in the province. I glanced to the left. There were three men laughing, behind them was an empty seat. I went straight, they stopped laughing and suddenly fell silent as I sat behind them.
Dumungaw ako sa bintana. I removed the cloak from my head and let myself feel the fresh air. I close my eyes to the strong gust of wind. "Damn, bro! she's beautiful!" A man whispered in front of me.
"She looks like a barbie!" I opened my eyes. I frowned because they're staring at me. Dahil sa narinig ko, mabilis kong itinago ang mukha sa balabal.
I'm used to this guy's move and behavior. Mga panlabas na anyo ang tinitingnan at kukuhanin ang loob mo sa matamis na salita. I don’t know when I started being a man hater, because after my eighteenth birthday, I just woke up one morning, already hating men. Only those like Tatay Vladimir are the real men for me. I shrugged, instead of being annoyed, I just ignored them.
I put headset on my ears and quietly looked out the window. I put my elbow on the window and leaned forward in my seat.
I also spent a few hours being patient with their loud voices. Finally, the bus stopped. I took a deep breath. I adjusted the hood over my face. I got up quickly but to my surprise three men blocked my way. "Hi Miss, can we help you?" Tatlong lalaki ang nakangiti sa akin at naghihintay ng sagot ko.
Suddenly my expression went blank. I glanced around. I noticed that we were distracting the other passengers too much. My jaw tightened. But I did not refuse because the driver shouted angrily so I just followed the three men holding my luggage.
The three women ahead whispered. "Oh my god! Girls did you see her face? Why are those guys helping her? That girl is so mysterious." Pagtsi-tsismisan nila. I calmed myself and tried to avoid looking at them.
When I got down, I was greeted by the smiles of three men, holding cellphones and scratching their necks. "Hi Miss, what's your name? Can we get your number?" Courage of a man with narrow eyes. Napabuntong hininga ako at nagpasalamat lamang. I turned my back on them without saying my name and number. As I walked away, I could clearly hear the murmur of the three men. Napangisi ako.
Boys are the reason why I am often bullied at our school. Almost a group of women hate me and torture me every day. I wonder why all the boys in our school admire me. Nanay Estrella said that it was normal, that men couldn't stop liking me because I inherited my grandmother's beauty. Gan'on lagi ang sinasabi niya. But when I found out the truth, then I understood everything. My appearance was very different from other people's because I was not really born mortal.
My enemies didn’t know, I was used to fighting. Other women just think I'm lame, but they're wrong. I let them think I was weak. I just really control myself because I don’t want to hurt others. I just want to be living peacefully.
When I went to high school, Dad trained me to use different types of guns and knives. He also taught me different types of physical attack and self defense. Bumalik sa aking alaala kung paano niya ako turuan noon.
"Tay, is it right for me to fight them? Hindi po ba sabi ni Nanay, 'wag daw po akong gumanti at manakit ng kap'wa?" nagtatakang tanong ko sa kaniya. I wonder why he teaches me something like this.
I used to get hurt. I'm used to the hard trainings from Tatay Vladimir but the bad words and insults they throw at my family, that's where I get angry and hurt. Sa kahit anong aspeto, pamilya ang kahinaan ko.
"That's one of the reasons why I'm training you. You have to learn how to defend yourself because Estrella and I won't be with you forever. The day will come when you have to fight, so that they don't abuse you. Tandaan mo anak, gagamitin mo lamang ang mga natutunan mong ito, kung alam mong nasa tama ka para ipagtanggol ang sarili mo." Those reminders kept ringing in my head. Natulala na lamang ako sa kawalan.