The rain gets wilder as every drop of it agressively touching my skin. My clothes are soaking wet but I'm totally felt numb to even feel the coldness running through my body. I'm standing. My knees were trembling. My whole body was shaking. I felt weak, drained and exhausted. My chest tightened as time goes by. My heart was throbbing in pain at the same time.
My eyes were still fixated on the place where he did vanished out of my sight. He's gone. He turned his back and walked away without hesitation. Ni-hindi niya nga ako nilingon pabalik.
Earlier, I was happy when I got his message. It clearly says that he wants to see me. I smiled from ear to ear thinking that he miss me that much that he would asked to see me during class hour. Without hesitation, I skipped my next class and excitedly went to the place where he is.
To see each other is very rare for us. We're not attending same school. He's one year ahead of me. Graduating na siya kaya abala sa pag-aaral which is fine with me kasi nakakapag-focus din ako sa pag-aaral ko. But we never lost contact with each other, we always talk through phone call and text messages. Kaya kahit minsan lang sa isang buwan kami magkita, we still made our relationship stronger.
Halos liparin ko ang distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa nang makita ko siya. I shouted his name so I could get his attention which I succeed.
"Skipping classes are not good, right Kiel?" I asked him, mimicking what he said to me before when I'm bragging him to see me during class hour.
Far from what I expected, he just sighed. He averted his gaze then licked his lower lip.
By that, I sensed something wrong with him.
"A-Are you okay?" I asked worriedly, though he seems not fine.
He didn't answer. Hindi niya rin magawang tumingin sa'kin.
"Mababa na naman ba ang nakuha mong grade sa quiz niyo? O hindi naging maganda ang—" I stopped questioning him when he finally looked at me.
Mukhang may gusto siyang sabihin pero hindi niya magawang ibuka ang bibig niya.
"I told you, grades is just a number." Sambit ko, inihahanda ang sarili para pagaanin ang loob niya.
We are in a relationship for almost six month, enough to say that I already know him very well. Just like me, he's a great student and a grade conscious. Madaming expectation ang pamilya niya sa kaniya na kailangan niyang ma-meet. And for almost a six month with him, I witnessed how he got stressed-out whenever he gets low scores and low grades.
"L-Let's end this, Amariah." He said when he finally got the courage to open his mouth.
My forehead creased. "End what?"
"This. Us." He answered, looking directly into my eyes. "I don't want this anymore. I hope you understand." He retorted.
My lips parted. I felt a lump on my throat. I wanted to utter a word but I failed. I felt tears building up on the side of my eyes.
"Kiel, grades will never define who you are. It will never reflect your capability—"
Then he cut me off. "It is not about my fucking grades, Amariah." He uttered giving emphasis, determined to make me understand.
But I can't process everything. I didn't understand him. Naririnig niya ba ang mga sinasabi niya? Aware ba siya sa lahat ng salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya?
"A-Are you telling me to break up with you?" I asked, staring at him with my glistened eyes.
The side of his lips went up, forming a smirk. "You're not a fool, alam kong alam mo ang sagot d'yan."
My heart tore apart. Sinabi niya 'yun na parang balewala lang sa kaniya ang lahat. He doesn't even look hesitant. I pressed my lips together to stifle a cry. I averted my gaze to somewhere.
All of the excitement that I felt earlier vanished in just a snap. The happiness I had earlier turned to anger and annoyance.
"No. I'm not going to end things between us." May diin kong bigkas. I fought back his stares.
His fingers raked through his hair with frustration.
"If something is wrong, then tell me. We are going to fix it. Ending things is not a good solution for the both of us, though." Sambit kong muli. "If you still want to then convince me. Give me a good reason, Kiel."
He looked at me sharply, trying to fought the urge of something building up inside him.
"I'm so sick of this!" He blurted. Annoyance was written all over his face. "You know what, this is a total bullshit! I don't even know why I'm asking you for this personally. I think a phone call or just a text message would do. Wala ka narin namang magagawa sa ayaw o sa gusto mo."
That created a bang inside my chest.
Then the rain started to pour, giving more bitterness in my emotions.
He then turned his back and started to walk away. I can't stop my tears anymore, they began to flow.
"C-Can you tell me at least one reason?" My voice cracked.
I stared on his back when he halted. I heard him chuckle, making me feel that he's now treating me like I'm really stupid.
Muli siyang humarap sa akin. Nakahulma ang ngisi sa labi niya.
"Nakakasawa ka. You're my girlfriend pero parang hindi. I am not even allowed to taste your lips. Saka iba ka—" He uttered and paused for a moment. Then he let out an annoying laugh. "Ewan ko, pero siguro nga tama sila—"
"Tama sila saan?" My forehead creased. But he remained silent. "Ano Kiel? Tell me..."
"Baliw ka ba?"
I felt stiffened. This time, I'm the one who remained silent. I wanted to utter a word but my mouth won't let me. Nakaawang lang ang mga labi ko na para bang hindi makapaniwala.
He slightly shook his head and then he let out a chuckle while eyeing me with disbelief.
After that, he continued to walk away until he vanished out of my sight. And I was left dumbfounded. Disappoinment runs through my system. I take back the thought of I knew him. I was mistaken, I didn't know him that much.
I tried to wiped my tears but it just keeps on flowing.
"H-Hey, uh, a-are you okay?"
I almost jumped on air when I heard a voice coming from nowhere. I roamed my eyes until I saw a man. Nakaupo ito sa pabilog na slide at sumisilong sa malakas na buhos ng ulan.