- MAXENE - 
I WAKE UP feeling my brain is about to burst. Damn hang-over, I grunted. I look beside my bed and noticed that- wait, where the fuck am I?
I don't remember being in this place. I feel like something happened last night. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to kill myself, I pinch myself. Damn it hurts! Yep confirmed, I can still feel pain. I'm still alive, but then why?
Assessing my situation I don't know how to react, but why am I only with my underwear? I tried to check if someone took my vulnerability for granted, but nothing hurts especially down there. Malalaman ko rin naman agad iyon, I have a boyfriend. I mean, I had a boyfriend.
We started our relationship in 2005, I took a leap of faith with him because I know that he's worth it. Yet he ended it too soon. You let go after three years. Three months after my birthday you went cold hanggang sa binitawan mo na ang mga salitang iyon, 'hindi na ikaw ang priority ko,' 'ayaw ko na,' at 'napagod na akong mahalin ka.' Ang sakit dahil hanggang ngayon dala-dala ko pa rin ang sakit na araw-araw kong nararamdaman mag-isa.
All these years, three years! He just threw those three years away and I couldn't understand why. Saan ba ako nagkulang? Naapakan ko ba ang pride niya? Masyado ba akong demanding? Immature ba ako? Pangit ba ako? Ano pa ba ang dapat kong tingnan sa sarili ko para malaman kung bakit, kulang pa ako sa kanya? Bakit hindi pa ako sapat sa kanya?
What the fuck, halos lahat na binigay ko para sa kanya; pero kulang pa rin? Ano pa ba ang isusugal ko? Kung tutuusin, walang wala nang natira sa akin. Miski buhay ko kaya ko itapon para sa kanya. I embrace myself, asking myself what else could I have done to save us. All I knew was he loves me, I love him, wasn't that enough to keep us? Sa tuwing inaalala ko ang lahat, hindi ko mapigilan na hindi umiyak. But this would be awkward since I'm alien to this place. I have to find my clothes before something happens to me. Checking my surroundings, there are no clothes. Where the fuck are my clothes?
I try to open one of the drawers that wasn't mine and upon checking it I'm sure, lalaki ang may ari ng lugar na ito. I guess one shirt would do since I don't have my purse with me. Damn it! Ano ba ang nangyari sa akin at hindi pa ako namatay kagabi? Kung patay na ako, edi sana wala na akong iniisip na ganito, lecheng buhay naman talaga ito!
I wore a white shirt and gladly it was long enough to hide my underwear. I might as well sneak out dahil pakiramdam ko wala namang tao rito. Yet I was naive to think that because I heard someone just turn off the shower. I should hurry. Kung sino man ang lalaking ito, he might have got what he wanted and took pictures of me wearing nothing but my underwear. I'm sure naman na enough na iyon bilang pambayad. I'm a model for goodness sake and if ever he uses my pictures for dirty purposes, I don't give a damn anymore since my Mom sets her arrangements with the media, paparazzi, and stalkers. All in all, it was just money.
Papalabas na ako ng kwarto nang may pumigil sa pinto. I looked down and gulped, I couldn't help but stare from bottom to top. He wore nothing but a towel on his waist. His v-line is revealing, I gulped again. Seeing how slender yet broad his chest up to his shoulders makes me wonder if he works out. His collarbone is exposed. I can't say that he is skinny because there are few muscles that are visible in his body. He's somewhere in between what they call macho and payat. His build is almost similar to Ryan Reynolds with a slight Robert Pattinson vibe when they were still in their early twenties. He's not that buff unlike the models I worked with, but his body is like a work of art. I've seen a lot of guys that are topless, especially in my field of work; but I never saw anything like him, I don't know why it took me a while to see his gaze and I couldn't help to notice those tiny droplets of water falling slowly from his hair. His eyes, those dark intimidating brown eyes. That smug-ish impassive look on his face. He's familiar, I've seen him somewhere. Somewhere in my memory.
"So you're awake, princess." He greets me with a ghost-looking smile. He looks at me as a whole, I think he is amused by what I'm wearing as I see him raising me an eyebrow, "So you found my clothes."
"I have nothing to wear." I snapped, "Where are my clothes and I'm outta here!" I demanded. His eyes were careful but I can see that he's laughing at me inside his head, or maybe I'm just paranoid.
"You don't actually need your clothes." he playfully said as he ran his thumb on his lips. I gulped again, "You don't remember what happened last night?" he tilted his head beside with a ray of amusement as if something interesting happened. For a guy who will be able to sleep with someone like me, for sure, it's a trophy that they should be proud of. I'm Maxene motherfucking Campbell for goodness sake!
"I don't think something happened last night." I told him, "I should know!" I speak with pride. He chuckled. He just chuckled and that sent shivers to my spine. Who the hell is this guy?
He grabs my chin and holds me close enough to his face, "Maybe you underestimated me, woman." I'm drowning. His gaze drowns me and this is bad! I closed my fist controlling my temper, minamaliit niya ba ako?
"Hindi ko alam ang sinasabi mo," I glared pushing him away and unconsciously my hand just landed on his bare chest. Hindi ko alam kung bakit para akong napahiya sa nagawa ko kaya agad kong binawi ang mga kamay ko at hinarap siya, "Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nandito," I narrowed my eyes observing him, "If you got what you wanted, then I'm paid from my debt."
He shakes his head chuckling, "Sa tingin mo ba bayad ka na sa ginawa mo sa akin kagabi?" What does he mean by that? He scratches his head, and a little frustration forms in his face, "I lost twenty thousand dollars last night, in that race." he said, crossing his arms. I hate that I am staring at his collarbone, to his bare shoulders up to his forearm- wait, why am I complimenting him in my head again?
"What are you talking about?" mamaya nag-iimbento lang ang kumag na ito! Pilit kong inaalala kung may sense ba ang sinasabi niya, pero nasakit lang ang ulo ko. Buwisit!
"You drunk retarded woman, how could you forget?" he looks at me with disbelief shaking his head, "You even throw up in my car! Mas tanggap ko pa kung sa damit ko ikaw sumuka dahil mas madaling itapon iyon sa basurahan, pero hindi sa kotse ko; mangyari na ang lahat wag lang sa kotse ko!" he snaps yet he’s trying to maintain his composure around me.
Don't tell me, he's the- no I must be mistaken, "Maybe you got it wrong." paninindigan ko na mali siya ng inaakusahan!
He scoffed, "Binasag mo ang side mirror ko. Ang kapal ng mukha mo kalimutan ang ginawa mo kagabi sa akin." I might consider him shouting at me if only I'm not looking at him right now, for his face seems to hide his emotions very well.
"How much do I owe you?" tanong ko sa kanya para matapos na ito, "Kailangan ko pa umuwi and let's just settle here, right here right now." hindi ako magpapasindak sa lalaking 'to. Huwag niya sabayan ang sakit na iniinda ko sa ulo ko, damn this hangover!
He shook his head and grinned, "I don't need your money." he said with a deep voice, "You owe me more than money could give me." A mischievous smile forms on his face, as he looks at my feet up to my face.
Hindi naman ako tanga para hindi maintindihan iyon. Lahat naman ng mga lalaki, iyon lang ang gusto. Kapag nakuha na nila yun, iiwan ka rin nila ng parang laruan na pinagsawaan. Kung si Mommy nga inihahalintulad ako sa isang manika, for sure, ganun din ang mga lalaking 'to! I'm just a damn doll that they can dress up and play with, and when they've had enough, they'll just get rid of me, like I'm some outdated toy.
"Is that what you wanted from me?" nakangisi kong tanong sa kanya, "Bakit hindi mo pa ginawa kagabi?" parang hindi niya inaasahan ang reaksyon ko nang mawala ang mapaglaro niyang ngiti hanggang sa unti-unting tumuwid ang linya sa kanyang labi. Base sa reaksyon niya wala nga siyang ginawa sa akin. Pero bakit ganito niya ako tingnan, para bang naghahalo ang isip at gusto niyang mangyari. This time I intimidated him, "Wala ka pala eh. Kung ibang lalaki, baka naka-score na sila sa akin habang wala akong malay." natatawang ani ko at nakita ko kung paano nagdilim ang paningin niya na parang ininsulto ko siya.
"Woman, have you lost your sense of dignity?" maingat niyang tanong sa akin, sa lalim ng boses niya alam kong kinokontrol niya ang galit niya sa nasabi ko. Mga lalaki nga naman, nasagasaan ko ba ang pride mo? I scoffed as I look away feeling numb to what is happening in my damned life.
"I have nothing left in me," I say shrugging like I don’t give a damn, "I have nothing to lose anymore," I grinned looking at him, "You can take everything away from me, I don't care. But since you let me see the sunrise again, maybe I owe you something.". I lift up my shirt and I see how his jaw hardened. I drop the shirt on the floor attempting to unhook my bra but before he could see me, he bitterly turns a blind eye and turns his back at me.
"Lock the door when you go," he said, his voice is solid and cold. "Wear my shirt, I don't care. Your purse is outside."
"Pero akala ko ba kailangan ko magbayad sa iyo?" I scoffed and I see him throw a huge sigh. "I don't want to owe you anything."
"Leave." The tone of his voice is like a warning. He's not asking, he's commanding me.
I grab the shirt on the floor to cover myself. I immediately left his room wanting to slap my face from that conversation to a mere stranger. What am I thinking? Wala na talaga siguro akong hiya at ganoon na lang ka-patapon ang tingin ko sa buhay ko. I was out of his room and noticed that his unit was huge. Tama nga, penthouse ito.
I saw an upright piano on the right side of the living room. I also couldn't help to notice that he had a mini studio or music room that is divided by a clear glass partition. Inside that room is where he keeps his other musical instrument like his guitar, a bass, and an electric guitar. Is he a musician?
Well, the hell who cares. The time I found my purse and a pair of slippers that fit in my feet I immediately left the unit. I didn't bother asking his name since I'm sure I'm not going to see that face again. Bahala na ako umuwi ng ganito, wala na akong pakialam.
I should have died last night.
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