** move 002 **
< m i s a o >
‘Toshiro, are you feeling unwell? You didn’t attend the morning class…’
Send.
I stared at my phone waiting for a reply until I saw the ‘delivered’ mark turned ‘seen’ then nothing. I waited a few minutes more but there was nothing.
I know that my confession last night shocked Toshiro but I didn’t expect that he’ll avoid me so obviously like this. He is the type of person who says what’s on his mind with a smile on his face. I’ve seen him have a few quarrels with our other classmates but he would always face them head on. He doesn't actually like being in a disagreement with someone.
It bothers me but it was my fault in the first place. I just went on and selfishly announced my feelings for him. But at that moment, it felt right. It seemed like the perfect time to tell him I like him and I ended up ruining his special day.
But I already made up my mind to pursue him. I have to, at least, try and make him like me romantically, even for a bit. Even for a tiny bit.
“Are you okay, Misao?” Keita placed his hand over my right shoulder pulling me out from my thoughts. I glanced at him and saw worry plastered on his face.
“I’m fine. Nothing to worry about.”
“For sure that guy, Toshiro, was extremely shocked about what happened during his birthday.” Fumihiro commented, rolling his eyes away.
“Fumihiro?” Keita called out.
“Why? Did I say anything wrong? Even everyone else was caught off guard.” Fumihiro then threw me a menacing look while gently shaking his head, “Toshiro trusted you man… he might feel like you betrayed him.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong, I just told him how I feel.”
He scoffed. “You should have kept it for yourself, Misao.”
Fumihiro is being openly hostile towards me. He and Toshiro had been friends since they were in high school. They’ve been friends for so long that I perfectly understand why he’s acting that way. I don’t mind if Fumihiro dislikes me now, but I won’t be able to take it if that's the case with Toshiro too.
“Fumihiro, just stop it please.” Keita stepped in between us.
Suddenly, Fumihiro’s phone beeped. He fished for it from his jean pockets and read the message. Then he looked back at me, smiling. Not the happy kind of smile but the one that’ll give you shivers. Cold.
He showed his phone screen to me and Keita, “Toshiro is asking me to pick him up. He’s in the courtyard.”
He walked past Keita then stopped beside me as he whispered, “Seems like he doesn’t want to see a certain someone.”
We just followed Fumihiro with our eyes until he’s out of sight, no one dared to speak, waiting for the tension to die down.
Suddenly there was a gentle pat over my shoulder, “Misao, you don’t have to mind him…”
“It’s fine. I understand why he’s angry.”
---
When we arrived at the cafeteria to have our lunch, Youjin and Eisuke were already sitting on our usual table waiting for us. Youjin was waving happily to Keita as soon as he saw us approaching. It’s kind of comforting to see Youjin.
“Just the two of you?” He asked.
“Ah, yeah. Fumihiro went to meet Toshiro.”
“Huh? Why, where’s Toshiro?” This time he gave me a quizzical look.
“He didn’t attend our morning class.”
Youjin paused for a second, “Ha? Don’t tell me…”
‘He’s avoiding you?’ It’s too obvious.
I just shrugged my shoulders.
“Isn’t it just a normal reaction for Toshiro?” Eisuke chimed in while looking bored as he took a spoonful of food into his mouth, “We all know that Toshiro is straight. That’s why to be suddenly confessed to by a guy, and his close friend to boot, it would really surprise him and it doesn’t matter how much a happy-go-lucky guy he is. But for sure, he’s thinking about it seriously. In the first place, you are his precious friend and you are also important to him.”
It is the first time I heard Eisuke talk this way with me and I’d be lying if I say that I was not reassured by his words. It made me smile. “I guess you’re right, Eisuke.”
I caught Keita and Youjin glancing at each other then they smiled as they ate their lunches.
“So, what’s your plan now, Misao?” Youjin asked.
We all finished our lunches and we’re just waiting before our next class.
“Maybe… I’ll wait for Toshiro to calm down before I talk to him again…”
“I hope you won’t give up on him.”
“That’s not in the plan, Youjin.” I smiled at him reassuringly. “I liked him for so long I can’t just give up now.”
***
The lecture room was already half filled when Keita and I entered after lunch. My eyes instantly found Toshiro sitting beside Fumiro at the far end of the room. Our usual seats in the middle were vacant. I felt Keita pat my shoulder.
“Let’s take our usual seat.”
I followed him to our seat but my eyes were fixed on Toshiro. For a second our eyes met but he instantly averted his gaze pretending as if he never saw me, as if I wasn’t here. I almost threw myself on the chair and my bag made a loud thud when it hit the table. I grabbed my phone and thought about sending Toshiro a message. I typed a few words in but erased it again, and again.
I’m not mad at him or whatever, it’s just that I don’t like this set up. I feel really bad for Keita, who’s with me right now, he was their friend first.
“Keita… You should sit with them. I’m fine.”
Keita turned at me in an instant, with his brows drawn in a straight line. “Huh? Why should I do that?”
“Because you’re sitting with me it’ll look like you’re taking my side when in fact they are your friends first…” He was listening to me with an unconvinced expression like he’s asking me ‘what the hell am I saying?’ but that didn’t faze me, I just continued with my usual tone and expression. “It’s just normal for you to join them instead, right?”
“I already told you Misao that I’m not taking any sides. We’re not avoiding them, they were the ones avoiding us.” His lips curled into a reassuring smile as he gently tapped my shoulder. “Just stay there and chill, ‘kay?”
“But in the first place, I am the reason why they’re doing that. That’s why I can’t really blame them.”
Keita pulled a notebook out from his bag and swiftly turned its pages until it landed on the page he likes. Then he said as he stared at the paper, “Look Misao, you confessed to a friend who is a guy while I confessed to Youjin who is also a friend and a guy. That doesn’t make me any different from your situation. If they can’t accept you because of that, doesn’t the same go for me?”
“But…”
“But?” He stopped reading his notes to glance back at me waiting for what I’m going to say next.
“I’m an outsider, Keita. It was Toshiro who found me and let me in your circle.”
Keita suddenly closed his notebook then hit me with it. I jerked back and rubbed my arm.
“Outsider?! Why are you still thinking about that, Misao? Since then, Toshiro would always notice that you’re alone and every time, he really wanted to approach you and talk to you but his shyness would always take over him. I remember one time he said, It feels like you have this wall around you that’s keeping people from coming close. You have no idea how happy he was when he first managed to talk to you.”
He was talking quite fast. I can't seem to process everything he revealed. “Ha?”
He patted my shoulder again. “That’s what happened so don’t ever say that you’re an outsider If Toshiro heard you saying that he’ll be really pissed.” Then he flashed a big bright grin.
‘But for sure, he’s thinking about it seriously. In the first place, you are his precious friend and you are also important to him’
‘I remember one time he said, It feels like you have this wall around you that’s keeping people from coming close. You have no idea how happy he was when he first managed to talk to you.’
Somehow, Eisuke and Keita’s words kept repeating in my head the whole period, I couldn’t even concentrate on the lecture. They gave me more hope. They made me realize the reason why I can never give Toshiro up.
The reason why I fell in love with him.