She wasn’t allowed into the clinic where Koty rested; Francis, Beck and Jude made sure of that. She couldn’t concentrate on her books, she avoided her friends perpetual questions and then hurried home immediately the bell rang. Koty was the only thing on her mind, she felt guilty but then she consoled herself with the fact that she had not done anything wrong. She had not known Koty was asthmatic and even if she knew? Was she supposed to have accepted his proposal out of pity? Koty didn’t deserve that, he deserved someone who truly liked him. She wasn’t that person and she wouldn’t compromise her standards just to please someone.
The first thing she noticed as she neared her house was the person seated on the porch stairs. He didn’t have a hoodie on as usual, his face didn’t look so bad.
“I don’t want to talk to you, King.” She said immediately she got within hearing distance.
“I am really not in the mood and it’s not because of you”she added. He stood up but paid heed to her and warning. She opened the door, stepping into her house; he followed and shut the door, locking it with you he keys she left in the key hole.
She appreciated his silence, it was one of the things she liked about him. He knew when to pause and when to make a move; when to step back and when to invade; when to let her go and when to hold in tight.
He followed her up the stairs and into her room. He sat on the bed and watched as she took off her jacket and shoes. She was supposed to shower but she didn’t up to it so she grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a top then went into the bathroom to change. He was still in the same spot when she came out and their eyes met immediately since he had been staring at the bathroom door. She looked away then climbed onto her bed; laying close to him because she couldn’t refuse herself the warmth of having him close. He lay down too, their legs touching, their faces close. She closed her eyes.
“You don’t want to talk but I want to.” He spoke quietly. His voice was calm, soothing, refreshing.
“M.J.” he called when she didn’t respond.
M.J was a nickname culled from her name; Michaels Joan that he sometimes called her with.
She felt his hand on her face the next moment, smoothing her cheek and then they went into her hair and massaged.
“I’m sorry about yesterday and today and anything else that’s making you sad.” He said.
She wanted to keep being angry at him but as always, her resolve came crumbling down at each words he spoke. He always spoke quietly in moments like this; soft, deep, alluring; like he knew what magic they worked on her.
“M.J.”
She opened her eyes but found out she couldn’t see him clearly. It wasn’t until his fingers wiped her eyes that she realized she had tears in them.
“Someone had an attack because of me today.” She told him.
“Koty, Colton Adams. He likes me, I know, everyone knows. He asked me out on a date today and I declined. We got emotional while talking and then he had an attack. His friends wouldn’t let me see him. They’re blaming me for something I had no control over.”
“You like him?”
She shook her head, “No… but he really likes me and he is so… my type. I hurt him and now…”
She paused, moving closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, his nose pressing against her hair.
“I feel like liking him.”
“But you can’t.” he pointed out, placing a kiss on the crown of her hair.
“Yes.”
“You don’t have to. He'll get over it.”
“But…”
He pulled back a little, pushing up her head that was laid against his chest so she was on eye level with him.
“Remember what I said about sharing and besides you can’t force yourself into loving or liking someone, it comes when it comes.”
She kept quiet, laying her head back on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
She wouldn’t mind falling for Koty, she sincerely admitted to herself, she really wouldn’t mind. She felt elated that he liked her that much and she wished she could reciprocate the feelings but at the same time, she knew things were best the way they were.
Reciprocating the feelings would be more time spent with him and less time spent with King; it would mean she and King becoming distant; it would mean placing Koty above King and that was something her heart couldn’t bear.
She wouldn’t be able to bear it if she pushed King away, if some other girl takes first place in his heart, if he treated her like a stranger.
“Joan.”
“Hmmmn.” She murmured, feeling quite comfortable in her position.
“I just wanted to see if you were still awake.”
They fell silent.
“Do you like someone?” she blurted out suddenly. She was suddenly feeling inadequate.
He chuckled, his chest reverberating with the sound.
“Why? Do you want to disfigure the girl’s pretty face?”
She rolled her eyes even if he couldn’t see her face.
“I would never do that. I'm not that low.”
“Ok.”
“Ok?”
“I have girls I like.” He replied.
A pause.
“Ok.” Was her reply.
“Ok?”
“Ok.”
“Babe, are you angry at me?”
“Ok.”
“What.” He laughed. She hit her head continuously against his chest, embarrassed.
“I spoilt it.” She chuckled.
“You sure did.”
“You never told me.” She accused.
“Because I knew you’d get jealous.”
“I am jealous but at the fact that you’re keeping things from me and finding comfort in other girls.”
“But whoever it is you can’t date. That’s my rule. It’s not healthy or advisable or good and you can’t…”
“Joan!” King cut her off, chuckling, “It’s a friendship feeling. I just like them like friends, nothing more.”
The relief she felt at his words was like a heavy burden lifted off her chest.
“I just don’t like sharing. Same with you.” She defended herself.
“Is that all?”
She could feel him smiling and she raised her head to look him in the eye.
“What are you trying to insinuate?” she asked, her eyes narrowed.
He tried unsuccessfully to hide his smirk.
“Nothing.” He answered, “I’m glad it’s just the two of us.”
She stared at him for some time before laying her head back on his chest.
“Me too.”
“But you know, one day things will change. We'll date, get married…”
“I’m not sure about that. Girls don’t easily catch my attention.”
“Same with me, boys.”
“There’s Koty.” He pointed out.
“That’s different. I only felt like giving in out of pity.”
“Glad you've figured that out.”
“And besides he’s just one guy.”
He nodded.
“We'll just get married to each other.” He said after a while.
She chuckled, “That sounds nice. Our kids will have your eyes.”
“I’m joking.”
“I’m not.”
“I’m not.”
They burst out laughing.