As I sauntered inside the hall where the exhibits are being displayed, I notice the canvas of a lotus flower in the left side of the corner. It's tempting my eyes so I walked towards it. The colors are enticing to look at. It is composed of different qualities. Substances that were combined together to make a beautiful piece of art. The lotus flower looks exquisitely beautiful. This lovely blossom is considered as the epitome of resilience. It begins its journey rooted in mud through which it patiently makes it way to blossom to the top as a beautiful flower. It is symbolic of overcoming the difficulty and challenges that life throws our way and keeps growing and standing tall. This flower exist as a reminder that even in the dirtiest of waters, it has the capacity to produced the most stunning flower. It has the ability to weather strong winds and storms effectively that is why it is known to be the perfect symbol of resilience. Just like what my name means. Allow me to introduce myself to you. My name is Sigrid Azaiah Macaluso and I will share the narrative of my autobiography.
Not everything in life moves smoothly. The path one can tread is not always straight. There is always a pattern through which a progressive rise or fall may take place. You can choose how to respond to the upward and downward stimulus provided by life itself. Whether you will allow yourself to go with the flow so you can gently free yourself from the ambush given to you by the Universe or you will try to resist it. Accepting what life throws at you, thinking you got everything under your control, afraid of the blow and stepping up, and you choose to stay. Stay from a place of stagnation. Stay from a place where your presence is not appreciated. Where you are incessantly in the habit of staying with the people who intentionally hurt you who doesn't think that you are an essential human being. Staying from a place where you are alienated from discovering your true self...
People, I have been with lots of people who have given me memories. Memories that I love to remember and memories that haunt me whether I am awake or in my deep sleep. Memories that bring me the happiness deep within me and memories that made my heart ache so terribly. There were some instances in my life that I want an escape. I want to disappear and go to a place where I am genuinely happy. A place where all of the things that are troubling my mind will vanish even just for a while. But, I have no way out. I was left only with just one choice. This is to face it, no matter what the outcome may be. I learned to be strong, to be free. I learned how to stand up for myself. To not let people take advantage of my kindness and my soft-hearted nature. To not take shit from anyone, and to not put myself down. I learned to believe in myself and my journey. I have learned to accept the fact that when an individual grows, sometimes you lose people and that is okay. I learned how to ease the painful memories of my past. I have peaked through my shadows to access myself. I have been through all those uncertainties and uncomfortable moments where the foundations of my life are being knocked down for me to know the importance of letting those things go because they are beyond my control. Things must've come to ruins so something stable can be built in its place...
“He likes you.” My friend Ajax looked at me with sympathy. I know Ajax more than anyone else because we've been friends since we were 7. And when something comes up, a situation or a person that can possibly hurt me, he always had this look whenever he'll talk to me. His stare is signalling a warning, that whatever information he is about to say can disrupt my peace of mind.
“He, who is that guy you're referring?” I am curious about this. My heart throb repeatedly as it is telling me that this conversation indicates an unpleasant situation.
“He finally had spoken that he has hidden feelings for you, Azaiah.” My friend smiled faintly. He doesn't sound enthusiastic with what he had just said, in fact he almost said it in a weak unhappy voice.
“What's with your voice, babe? Is there something that is bothering your mind?” Ajax and I call each other “babe”. It's an endearment that we've been using for years now. A call sign that is an agreement we both decided to commit ourselves into, since we need to prevent the continuity of the spread. A secret that only the two of us knew at the very first beginning of our childhood life. A truth that my best friend is gay. During his early stage he is shrugging off those speculations made by our peers that he is gay. He doesn't want to admit that he isn't as straight as a ruler anymore. He tried to hide it, from me, from everyone. He made an attempt of doing an experiment and he used another person to prove everyone that he is not gay. But failed afterwards. Because he can't take it. He ended things with Rachel with having a solid decision. The decision to tell everyone the truth. After that confession my best friend ended the restraint he put upon himself and courageously raised the flag that have the radiant and lively colors of a rainbow. He finally accepted that he is a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Me and our friends supported him from his apparent revelation of his ultimate identity. But sadly, he's parents cannot accept him for being gay. It's hard for his family to embrace his sexuality. Ajax had a hard time associating himself with them as they kept pushing him to turn himself back from what he truly is in the first place. Too bad. I guess it is pretty late for Ajax to become the kind of person he was back then. It's impossible. I looked at my friend again waiting for his answer.
“You probably won't like what I am about to say to you, babe. I don't wanna bother telling you this but it'll put you in a risky situation if you'll make haste decisions when he'll use his emotional appeal to lure you. We both know what type of person Alcuin is. And we both know he is one of the perilous kind of men that'll break someone's heart quickly without feeling any remorse for the wrong thing they have committed. This behavior of him is always been apparent.” Ajax stopped himself from talking further as he looks at his friends perplexed and confused.
Sigrid Azaiah
Worriedness in Ajax's voice is clearly perceive by my ears. And there is no opposition inside my mind because my best friend is just stating the truth about Alcuin's personality... Hadrian Alcuin Bacote, this is his full name. He is being addressed with a set of nicknames given by those people around him. But us, his close friends call him “Al”. His name is kinda complicated to say as a whole. It's difficult for some to call him by his full name so they've come up with their own versions of created nicknames to call him. Complicated, it is not only his name but he himself is also complicated too. He is been such a pain in my head for several years. If he is not only one of the cherishable people of my life maybe I have shove him away already. I still remember the first time that we met, the memory is still vivid in my mind. It's still feel refreshing in indulging with those moments we've had back then. Seems like it's been yesterday that we had our fun, allowing to feel the pleasure of our childish behavior.
“Can you tell me what happened yesterday, babe? No skipping of details babe, please?” I gaze towards my friend that is already looking at me. I grinned sheepishly when he flashed me with his infamous “I am serious. Do you think I am joking?”expression on his face.
“Don't try to show me your poker face, babe. Your eyebrows can be in contrast to that cartoon movie shown in the cinemas.” Acts like she's been thinking about it deeply. Putting her forefinger on the side of her chin. “What is it again? Red, from the Angry Birds Movies?” Laughs in her chosen humorous technique since she loves seeing her friend's eyebrows furrowed even more with her funny punchline.
“You're trying so hard, Azaiah. And that is not even funny for me.” Ajax frowned at his friend. Fondness isn't seen in his face. What he heard isn't amusing for his precious ears. Besides, he think that Azaiah should take this seriously. He's worried for his best friend. Hearing her cries is a sore for his heart. He was glad that his friend was able to endure his not so pleasant, pedantic, and chalaziferous attitude. Suppositionally, this girl is gifted with the ability of being calm amidst pressure, with solutions to effectively deal with the drama of life. Honestly, his friend is someone who doesn't like or want any type drama or conflict with people but ends up attracting it anyway. She's a favorite of the Divine. A total package. With her amazing characteristics, she is irresistible to guys. He also wished he was born like her but yeah, he's in a masculine body. He is been considering to change his body someday. He cannot do something right now. A common problem people are facing these days is what he too is experiencing, having not enough money to attain and afford something their heart wants. Now, back to his best friend. He always wants to see her glow beautifully, having that delightful smile being plastered on her face everyday. Seeing her happy is one of his happiness. And he is willing to protect his friend as best as he can to anyone who wants to ruin her life. He is willing to fight with her always. The moment they became the best of friends is the moment he felt the need to protect his friend, his sister. When it comes to Sigrid Azaiah he is willing to throw a punch and a slap to any douche or bitch who wants to break her fragile heart. She will always have her own special spot in the hollow muscular organ that pumps his rainbow blood through his circulatory system. He is willing to fight for the welfare of his valued friend who lives with him in this omega universe. And will be with him in his voyage to the galaxies and clusters of the cosmos. Wearing their rainbow space suits, riding the cylinder projectile that can be propelled for greater heights and distance. They will go to the natural satellite of the Earth first, and plunge his flag to one of its hole. His thoughts made him cool-headed and ready, to tell her everything that his friend deserves to know. Omission to the information he heard is prohibited. Just like the pleas of his friend, he will not skip any details.
Flashback
Ajax decided to go out with their friends in the late night of December to look at the lights displayed in the public square of their city. Azaiah wasn't able to join them since she will be attending a gathering that was held by her family. As his eyes explored the luminous Christmas lanterns hanging on the branches of the acacia tree he was taken aback by an arm who suddenly holds his arm tightly. He proceeded to look at the person who held it and saw the beautiful Callista flashing its childish smile at him...
Callista Marie Izrael. She comes from a family of prominence. Her father is a retired member of the military force and also a well-known business man. While Callista's mother is an artist at the top today, she began her career as an illustrator for magazines. Their family has a bunch of businesses that are disseminated not only in their area but to other places of the country as well. She's a jolly girl. She's into arts and crafts. A multi-talented person. Aside from Sigrid, she's my favorite girl. The three of us have been friends for almost 5 years and our connection is going smoothly until now. My precious friends, I just hope nothing can ruin our ties because if something happens to our friendship, I don't know if I will be able to handle it.
I hummed in response to her hug. Tilting my head signalling that I am all ears to what she will say to me.
“Ajaxxx- Alcuin asked if I want a relationship with him. But-I am not yet ready to be in a relationship with him although I like him. What should I do, Ajax?”
She pouted her lips and rested her head on my shoulder. Her being clingy is all natural. Don't worry I bear no malice towards the sweetness of my friends. My girls are safe with me. That is an assurance, a pledge that I know I can fulfill till the very end... Did I heard her right? Alcuin??? Seriously, what is he planning? After the break up he had with Drusilla, he's planning to make Calli as a replacement? If Sigrid is here, she could have strike Alcuin with her modish hand bag. This guy is unbelievable...
“Ajax? Are you listening?” she detached her head on my shoulder and rise her head higher to look at my face. Well, Calli is 5'3 and I'm 5'11. There's a big height difference between me and her.
“I am. And I'm surprise that he is going to pursue you after breaking up with Euphraisie. Isn't this too early for him to replace her previous girl?” I lowered my head to gaze at my friend.
“You're right. But- that is not the case. I'm planning to give him a chance, Aj. I like him for a while and when I knew that Raisie and him broke up, I thought that this is my chance.” She sounded so confident and hopeful with what she just said.
“Are you sure, Callista? Are you aware what you're getting yourself into? We all know Alcuin has a bad reputation when it comes to his relationship with girls. Girls are like an air who is being blowed into his direction. Once he's done and he gets what he needs, he's willing to let it out of his system like nothing happened between him and his girls.” I wanted to wake my friend as I am proving my viewpoint of Alcuin's behavior.
“I know. I am completely aware of his distinctive character. And it doesn't matter to me. I accept Alcuin for what he is. Because I just like him so much, Ajax.” her emotions were heightened at the moment he talks about him.
“Even Alcuin's is a playboy? He's not worth the risk, Calli. You'll end up feeling hurt and I don't want you to feel that. It's still early. Don't catch his fancy, Calli.” I added.
“Ajax, I like Alcuin. And-and I want to try this out with him. To see if we will work as a couple.”
“So, you're gonna accept his offer?”
“I-I don't know. I am still hesitating to go for it. What should I do, Ajax?” her large eyes stare at me.
“Give yourself some time, Callista. Don't make any decisions out of impulse. You'll know what to do when you're not pressured.”
“But-how about Alcuin? He said he needs my answer immediately.”
“If he is really into you, he'll understand the word “patience”.”
As Callista is about to say something more Alcuin pace towards the two of them. With his long disheveled hair, a smug face, wearing a white t-shirt and a blue short pants.
“What's up? Is there any problem going on in here?” he said his words cooly.
“Woah, I feel the temperature going colder. The pomposity. I cannot. ”
Alcuin look at Ajax dully. These two boys had an unpleasant and distateful attitude towards each other. Their attitude doesn't coordinate well when they're together. They are natural combative when it comes to communicating their thoughts. Alcuin finds Hyle's personality as prosaic and acerbic, while Ajax's thoughts about Alcuin's characteristics are magniloquent and priggish.
“Are you okay, Ajax. Are you cold? We could go to the coffee house nearby so you can feel some heat. I don't want you to get sick.” Callista said worriedly.
“You're too worried for your friend's sake. It makes me think that you've taken an interest to this gay friend of yours.” Alcuin's tone is expressing an annoyance when he heard Callista's words.
“I am concerned for Ajax's welfare because he is my best friend, Alcuin. What is wrong with you?”
“Seriously, dude. I don't like the vexation of your treatment towards me.” Ajax said.
“I would like to say the same at you, bro. You're too close with Calli and especially you're too close to Sigrid. Don't know how to distance yourself, aight? You're acting suspicious. You sure you're gay?”
“Alcuin. What kind of attitude is that? Please be careful with your words.” Callista asserted with using a high tone.
“Now you're raising your voice at me? What a nice friendship you two have. Very nice.” Alcuin spit his words in a spiteful manner.
“Alcuin, we're here to enjoy the lights right? Please, please stop being provocative.”
“Alright, I get you. Now let's change the topic. You must've come up with an answer to my proposal right? You can tell me right now.”
Callista was transfix with Alcuin's words for the reason that she doesn't know what will be her answer to his proposition. Last week they two had a conversation and Alcuin ask her if she wants to be his girlfriend. She was excited when she heard that from him but she wasn't sure to be in a relationship with him because of his history with girls. So she told him that she need some time to think about his offer but Alcuin told her that he needed her answer this week. He wants to know if she's willing or not so that he will not have to waste his time.
“I-I am. I don't.. I -I am a bit hesitant when it comes to this Alcuin.” Callista stuttered with uncertainty in her voice.
“Look, Calli. This is just a simple “yes” or no”. It's obvious your decision is not secure. It's precarious.”
“Stop pressuring her in making a decision right now, Alcuin.” Ajax butted in.
“I am expecting that she already made a decision, Ajax. Honestly, if you're not into my offer Callista we can just forget what I said. Besides, I still have Sigrid as my second choice. I am planning to pursue her if you don't want me.”
“Alcuin.” Ajax almost couldn't believe what he just heard. And Callista was surprised to Alcuin's bluntness.
“Are-are you. I-I am hearing you clearly, Alcuin? You'll pursue Sigrid?”
“Yes. You heard me clearly, Calli. She's my only girl best friend, Calli. I have known her first and in my opinion it would be a good idea to ask Azaiah to be my girl since we're comfortable with each other.”
“After all this time Alcuin, you still like her? I thought you've already moved on?” Ajax asked.
“Wait-what? I don't understand you two. Sigrid? You like Sigrid?”
“So, all of these. You having loads of girlfriends. You did these for what, Alcuin? For a cover, huh? A cover for your true feelings.” Ajax taunted with sarcasm.
“Shut up. You fucking shut up, Ajax. You don't know anything about what I did.” Alcuin shouted furiously.
“Stop-stop. You two please, stop this. People are looking at us.” Callista intersperse between the two of them.
“I'm giving you more time, Calli. For the mean time I have to go.” After saying that Alcuin trudge away from them
“Wait-Alcuin. Alcuin... Where are you going.” Calli proceeds to walk after Alcuin but Ajax stopped her.
“Just let him go for a while, Calli.”
“Ajax-what is he talking about? I don't understand it. And-and why is he talking about Sigrid? Does he like her?” Calli asks her friend to get an official context to the agush they experienced a while ago.
“Don't over think it, Calli. He just had that unreflective act because he's feeling warm-blooded. You two really need to sort things out clearly and make firm decisions.” Ajax answered his friend.
“You're- you are right, Ajax. We really need to think deeply. By the way, I am sorry for what happened right now. I didn't know that Alcuin would be this mad. I am sorry for ruining your night, Ajax.”
“It's not your fault, Calli. We don't hold a control to our emotions sometimes that's why a turmoil exists at certain moment. Don't worry. He'll calm down.”
After Alcuin left we have decided go home. Callista doesn't even look like she is having fun without him... I cannot understand this girl at other times. Why does she kept liking him? She is completely aware of Alcuin's behavior when dealing with girls. Well, there are two sides to everything. You can choose what you want. You have that freedom. And I also understand Calli's own reason. She like Alcuin. And when we really like someone we tend to get blind in seeing the real thing about the person you like. It's normal. One of the peculiarity of human nature...