Wow those words hit my heart perfectly. Apparently I'm the whore, and it hurts that he thinks that way, thinks that way of me. "I'm the whore?" I asked him quietly, trying to hide my tears. How can he think I'm a whore? How can he think that of me? "Of course you are! I told you she wasn't feeling well! But you threw this shitty party!" he yelled and I got more and more tears in my eyes. "She's always bad, you go out every day and you go to her every day because she's bad! But you're never with me... you're never there for me... I can't even care for you anymore say i'm feeling bad... whenever i try to talk to you about how i'm doing, she calls or comes over... i can't talk to you.
"You are so selfish!!!" he yelled pushing me away. "I'm selfish?!", I also raised my voice and pushed him backwards as well. "Of course you can't understand that she's in such a bad way! She's my best friend, and I love her more than anything else! And damn she's feeling shitty, her parents are fighting!!" he started at her To defend. He started to defend her, I would like to break up, but then she would get what she wanted from the beginning. Him. And that's exactly why I'm not breaking up with him.
"Oh really you think I don't know? Do you think I'm better? Man Nathan my parents fight 24/7, they fight so much they both left the house! Did you know about that? Did you know about that I called you all night because of my parents? But you never answered and why? Because you were on the phone with her! Because you were on the phone with her again, because you only had time for her again... because you were again paid attention to her, meanwhile I lay crying on my bed and asked for the whole fight to stop and for you to finally realize how bad I was! Oh damn it, you only ever noticed that she was doing badly, but never how I feel bad and how I break down every day..",What I said wasn't even all I wanted to say.
But that should be enough for today, for now. "Babe..." he whispered and wanted to put his hands on my cheeks but I wouldn't let him. I slapped his hands away, shoving him backwards over and over again. "I...hate...you!" I kept repeating those three words to myself. And with every new word he was pushed backwards, and every time more and more tears came to my eyes. I wanted to push him back again, but he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me as tightly as he could. "I hate you so much..." although I said that, what I really meant was, "I love you, but what you do hurts me so much over and over again." I don't know if he knew that, but I do know one thing.
She cannot separate us. With every argument we've gotten closer, well, that's how it was until now. I don't know how it will be in the future. And that's probably what I fear the most, fear that one day we'll lose each other over a fight. "I'm so sorry babe," he whispers, kissing my forehead. "You always say that, but it hurts me again and again and more and more..." I whispered and wanted to break away from him, but he wouldn't let me. "You mustn't break away from me now princess..." he murmured and hugged me even tighter.
"What will change? If I don't break away now, you will break away from me every day...and every day it hurts so much...every time it breaks my heart...it does so bad, rammed again Nathan!", I screamed and I had my tears running. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't stop my tears. "Baby," I heard him say, but I didn't want to continue talking to him, not now. "It was our anniversary today and you forgot that and just went back to her..." That was the last thing I said and walked away. I went inside and lay on my bed and just cried.
It hurt so much, why is he doing this to me. "Baby...babe...honey...little...babe...cute..." I heard him and after each nickname he knocked on the door. "Get out Nathan!" I yelled. He kept trying and trying, but it didn't work. "Nathan please go..." I whispered. "Nathan please..." I whispered and heard him sigh. Actually, I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to come in, hug me, hug me as tightly as possible and never let go of me again. "You know what, I'm not going!" I heard him and before I could react, he came in and lay down next to me. I wanted to turn around, turn away from him, but I couldn't.
He pulled me onto his chest, stroked my hair, and whispered in my ear how much I meant to him. I didn't know if he was telling the truth or lying, but it still felt good. "I love you so much baby... and I'm so damn sorry babe, please forgive me... I promise it won't ever happen again..." Nathan mumbled, tears pricking his eyes. I looked up at him and wiped away his tears. Without being able to do anything else, he pulled me to him and kissed me.