Chapter 5
"Kakapoy! (Kapagod!)" Reklamo ni Ainah at nahiga sa buhangin.
Indeed true. This day was so tiring yet enjoying. We did many underwater activities. Kahit ano na lang pinag-gagawa namin sa dagat kaya napagod kami. Actually it’s six in the evening and we just arrived here at the resort, lumibot kasi kami sa kabilang island. We plan to eat our dinner here at the shore, they’re serving seafoods here and we’re glad ‘cause we want’s to eat seafoods. Naglatag lang kami ng tela at nag bonfire while waiting for our food.
Loving and appreciating nature is truly the best. I started loving photography when I turned twenty. Nahihiya pa nga ako magsabi kay Ate Annie na isa sa mga hobby ko ay ang pagkukuha ng litrato kasi alam kong wala pa man akong sinabi ay bibilhan niya ako agad ng camera. To be sheltered is beyond grateful kaya hindi na ako nanghihingi pa.
"Isha! May plano ka na bang umuwi? I mean your vacation is up until?"
I sighed and look at Neshie. "To be honest, I still don’t know how long will I stay here..." Bumuntong hininga muna ako bago ituloy. I think I trust them enough to let them know what happened to me the moment I entered here and the reason why I am here. "Ang totoo kasi niyan, I came here to meet my internet boyfriend. I called it ‘internet boyfriend’ because I just met him in internet. We were just chatmate for six months until we decided to meet up here. I was so dumb to trust and gave in easily. I never did background check on him. Nagpadala lang ako sa kilig. So to make it shorter, nagpanggap lang ang gago, tanginang adik at rapist na ‘yon!"
Napasinghap silang dalawa. Napatakip pa sa bibig si Ainah habang nanlalaki ang mata. I don’t know if it is because of what happened to me or she can’t understand what I say.
"What the? Seriously, ang gago nun ha! Sasapakin ko ‘yon!"
I laughed at what Neshie said. Ang oa niya banda ro’n.
"Pero kumusta ka na ngayon? Are you alright? Did he hurt you? Did he touched you or worst raped you?" She ask with widened eyes.
"No! Of course no! Glad someone help me and dumating agad ‘yong mga pulis kaya nahuli siya agad. Turns out he’s missing here."
"Ah.. sorry pero naa na atong pagkaon. (Ah.. sorry pero nandito na ‘yong pagkain natin.)" Ainah interrupted.
I help them arranging our food at the mini table we put here. We also ordered wine. Before we started eating I lead the prayer. When I’m done praying we started eating, sa sobrang pagod namin ay ginutom kami. Imagine we started at seven am in the morning and ends up at six am in the evening. Gosh my skin.
Nakakataka siguro ‘no kung ba’t napakadali naming naging close pero kaya nangyari ‘yon kasi aside sa magkapareha ang vibes naming tatlo ay pareha’s rin kaming tumatakas sa problema. Sa problemang ‘di namin alam kung masosolusyunan ba namin o hindi. I know I just made this meet up thingy to cover up my real reason.
I’m sad. My anxiety is coming back. Nandiyan naman si Ate Annie na hindi nagfail sa pag gabay sa ‘kin pero ewan, iba pa rin talaga ang nararamdaman ko. I always felt sad the moment I’m all alone. Ang gulo ko nga kasi gusto kong may kasama ako pero gusto ko ring mapag-isa. It's like I always said; ‘alone doesn't mean I'm lonely’ but everytime I feel lonely and alone, sadness will surrounds me.
"Alam mo Ish, I came here because I am dead tired. Tired from family problem. Wala na lang ibang ganap sa pamilya namin kundi puro away, ang gulo nila mommy at daddy. They always fight even the small things. Pero meron pang mas masakit dito, nagplano silang maghiwalay na lang kasi ‘di na naman daw sila nagkakaintindihan. It hurts. It hurts seeing my mother crying every night. He loves my daddy so much but daddy’s not happy anymore..."
I look at Neshie and hug her, gano’n din ang ginawa ni Ainah. I can’t relate because I never experienced those things. Ang naranasan ko lang ay ang maiwan ng sariling mga magulang. Ang maiwanang mag isa at kumayod para sa sarili.
Pero I'm afraid, afraid to fall inlove with a person who will get tired of loving me eventually. Iyong pagka
Natapos kami sa pagkain ng walang imikan.
Nagsimula na siyang mag inom at sinabayan na lang namin. We all want to shoo away this problem. Lahat naman kasi hindi ginusto at kailanman hindi gugustuhin ang masaktan. She’s crying because she’s hurt for her mother. Napakasakit siguro ang nmasaksihan ang sariling ina na umiyak. I never knew what was the feeling because my mother never did cried or I was wrong? Kasi noong mga panahong iniwan niya ako hindi man lang ba siya nasaktan? Hindi man lang ba siya umiyak? If that’s the case then bakit niya pa ako binuhay kong iiwan lang din naman pala akong mag isa?
She is heartless for leaving me without any other words rather than ‘hindi na kayang buhayin’. That was bullshit. Parang naging kasalanan ko pang nabuhay ako kaya naging pabigat ako sa kanila. Wala naman akong ibang ginawa kundi mahalin sila pero bakit sa lahat lahat, ako ‘yong napiling iwan? Am I not good enough? Maybe I am.
I never did question my worth because I know I am worth for the love of Jesus but I can’t stop myself, lalong lalo na kung pamilya na ang pag-uusapan. I stop experiencing the warmth of family the moment I entered in the aged of fifteenth.
"Fuck all of them! Isa pa ‘yang mga lalaking ‘yan, pagkatapos kang mahalin ay iiwan ka agad! They are fucking heartless! I-im s-so t-tired..." Hagulhol na sambit ni Neshie.
Mapait akong ngumiti. Behind her angelic face and angelic smile, she was also hurting. Akala ko ako lang, siya rin pala. Looks can really deceiving. I mean I can describe her as a happy go lucky girl.
I have learned my lesson. To not depend on others. Depending to others mean you can’t stand by your own. Kasi alam ko namang bandang huli ako lang din ang makakatulong sa sarili ko. Ayokong masyadong nakadepende ako sa ibang tao kasi pa’no na lang ‘pag iniwanan ako ulit, kawawa na naman ako.
Nakarinig ako ng may nabasag. Pagtingin ko kay Neshie, natapon pala niya ‘yong bote. Sinapo ko ang noo ko at pumikit ng mariin. Mabuti na lang at ‘di ako masyadong uminom. Si Ainah tatahimik tahimik lang pero malakas din palang uminom. Lupaypay na silang dalawa at nakaubos ng tatlong bote. I called the waiter at pinalinis ang kalat namin. I also pay for the damage they caused.
Nagpatulong din ako sa paghatid sa hotel room ng dalawa kasi hindi ko kayang iakyat sila ng ako lang. Gosh I can’t take carrying this two upstairs.
"Thank you for helping me kuya, sorry for disturbing you." Paghingi ko ng paumanhin sa waiter na tumulong sa akin.
"Walang problema po ma’am. Sige po, una na ako,"
Tumalikod na siya kaya pumasok na ako sa room ng dalawa. Gosh ang baho ng amoy. I laugh, fake friend na ba ako nito?
Binihisan ko sila isa-isa at tsaka inayos ang higa nila. When they already settled I lock the door of their bedroom and lock the door of their  hotel room. I walk to my room and strip off my clothes to take a quick shower. After showering I brushed my teeth and blow dry my hair. I wear my oversized shirt and just panty. I don’t like to wear shorts and bra when sleeping, I’m not comfortable wearing it.
Humiga na ako sa kama at kinuha ang phone ko. It’s still nine in the evening at alam kong gising pa siya ngayon. I dialed her number.
"Hello? Oh buti naman at naisipan mong tumawag Maria?"
"Ate pasensiya na at ngayon lang ako nakatawag. I’m enjoying Cebu eh! Vacation tayo rito next time ha?!"
She sighed. "Alalang alala ako sa ‘yong bata ka! Are you okay there? What happened with the emergency your talking?" She ask while emphasizing the word ‘emergency’.
I never told her what’s my real business here ‘cause I know she won’t agree with my sudden decisions tapos lalong lalo na ngayong iba ang nangyari. She would freak out and raise hell the moment she will know.
"I’m okay ate. Promise uuwi na ako sa susunod na araw." I closed my eyes while saying that.
Sana mapanindigan ko ang sinabi ko. I can’t dissapoint Ate Ann. She’s been my shelter for ten years now. Siya na ang naging pamilya ko.
"Make sure you’ll do what you said Maria Elisha Garcia! Kapag hindi ka umuwi, pupuntahan kita riyan, I am dead serious you know that!"
I gulped. I know she is freaking serious with this.
"I promise ate! Good night, matutulog na ako. Love yah!"
"Talaga lang Maria ha! Okay, good night." She then ended the call.
I power off my phone so no one can disturb my sleep. I hold my necklace. Krus ang pendant nito, I always touch it everytime I’m praying. Ito kasi ang natotonan ko kay Ate Ann. She always bring me to their Bible Study, Prayer meeting and every Sunday in church. She always say to not forget praying para magabayaan daw ako ng diyos.
I close my eyes and perform the sign of the cross. I prayed and then dozed off to sleep with a peaceful heart.