Eliana
“I had burger na rin kanina…”
He stayed silent and still gave me the cheese burger in hand. May isa rin na nakalagay sa harap niya habang patuloy siyang nagbibigay ng merienda ko.
“You are so unhealthy, Eliana. Is this your usual meal?”
“No, idiot. Napilitan lang ako kanina na sumama sa inyo.”
He scoffed. I saw him frowning at me. “So you don’t even eat lunch? Very unhealthy, huh.”
“Wala akong sinabing—”
“‘Yun ang narinig ko.”
I finished the burger in hand and drank on his tumbler, rolling my eyes at him. The classroom was cold dahil kanina pa naka-on ang aircon. Kaming dalawa lang din ni Alaric ang naiwan kaya hindi ganun kaingay.
It was eerily quiet but calming at the same time. The coldness invades my skin, I unconsciously rubbed my arm.
“Giniginaw ka?” Tanong niya kalaunan. Inilingan ko siya.
Hindi naman ako giniginaw. Tinignan ko ang ginagawa ni Alaric. He’s checking the time. Kinapa ko ang pwedeng sabihin bago magsalita.
“I’m done eating. Pwede ka nang bumalik sa classroom niyo,” binalingan niya ako.
Bumaba ang tingin niya sa tumbler na hawak ko. And it stayed there for a while before bringing his gaze back at me. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. I saw how the side of his lips lifted as he shake his head.
“What?”
Umiling siya ulit habang pilit na pinipigilan ang tawa. “Nothing. I’ll go now,” tumayo siya.
Dala niya ang paper bag na laman ang mga pinagkainan namin. Tinapon niya ito sa basurahan na nasa likod ng silid. Tumayo na rin ako para ibalik sa dating pwesto ang mga upuan.
“I’ll wash your tumbler muna bago ko ibalik sa ‘yo. Bukas ko ibabalik,” tinaas ko ang hawak kong baunan niya ng tubig habang palapit siya sa akin.
“No thanks. You already drank on it,” he said, pocketing his hands.
“Aba! Ang kapal ah!” Halos padabog kong nilapag ang tumbler nito sa armchair ko. I rested my fists on both waists and tip toed as I near him. “Huhugasan nga eh.”
“Shorty…”
“Pangit mo!”
He laughed at my remark. “We both know that’s not true. Now, stand properly…”
I snarled and rolled my eyes before turning my back at him. Balak ko sanang itapon ang ilan pa sa basura na hawak nang higitin ni Alaric ang kamay ko. It was a bit strong pulling me to him, making me face his now frowned brows and pressed lips.
Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa labi niyang mariin na magkadikit. My hand unconsciously went in the air and held his free arm. Hawak niya pa rin ang pulsuhan ko sa kabila.
I opened my mouth to talk along with a small shudder through my spine. I blink a couple of times before looking away, he’s now licking his lips. Alam niya ang ginagawa niya! Napapikit ako bago binalik ang tingin sa kanya.
Now he’s looking at my hand and suddenly roaming his eyes around.
“Here…” kinuha niya ang ballpen ni Sean na naiwan sa upuan nito. “Here’s my number.” he lifted his gaze at me when I flinched as my palm created contact with the ballpen point. “Save it and call me anytime, hmm?”
“Even if I just feel like calling you?” I whispered.
“No. Kung importante lang.”
Tumango ako, “Okay…”
Silence filled the room as he complete the numbers on my palm. Nakatitig lamang ako sa higpit ng hawak niya sa ballpen na hawak habang sinusubukang huwag makiliti sa pagsulat niya sa palad ko.
Napalunok ako nang matapos. He let go of my hand after and I felt the need to hold him again. Coldness replaced the warmth of his hold on my wrist.
“I’ll go now, malapit na rin magsimula next class ko,” he said nodding at me.
“Sure…”
Ni hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko. I watch him as he walks past me, his scent invading my bare nose, penetrating my insides and leaving a mark in my heart.
Smells like sandalwood and pine. Very natural. I suddenly remember the way he leaned in to comment about my smell. Lavender. He said I smell like lavender today.
I turn to watch him go. His back was gorgeously walking through the door when it slammed open, revealing Trail holding that familiar cardboard in his hand.
“T-Trail…” hindi ko na napigilan dahil sa gulat. “Hey, uhm…” binalingan ako ni Alaric, brows are furrowed and his shoulders tensed a bit.
“Anong ginagawa mo dito?”
“Ako?” Alaric shifted his eyes on him. Lumapit ako sa kanya. “I came here to—”
“May tinignan lang siya actually. Tinanong kung nasaan ba si… uh si Tina! Yes…” it turned out like I was convincing myself not him.
Halos napapikit ako sa lumabas sa bibig. Mukha naman sigurong kapani-paniwala, ‘diba? Parang ayaw kong malaman nilang kasama ko siyang kumain ng merienda si Alaric. Hindi parang… ayaw ko talagang malaman nila!
Nangunot ang noo ko nang humakbang ito palapit sa amin. My eyes landed on his hand gripping that cardboard which was slowly lifting as he near.
Nang balingan ko si Alaric, nakatingin pa rin siya sa kanya. Sinundan ko naman ang tingin nito at napansin na nagtititigan ang dalawa. Lalong lumalim ang gatla sa noo ko nang mapansin na parehong masama ang tingin nila sa isa’t isa.
I cleared my throat, “I-I uh… I think you should go now, Alaric. Tina is not here anyway,” I held his back to push him a little.
He leaned in instead, “Hindi ba sabi ko sa ‘yo, hindi mo bagay ang magsinungaling, hmm?” His tone was sarcastic.
Umiling lang ako ng marahan, sinusubukan itanggi na nagsisinungaling ako.
“I just want to hand you this, Eliana,” our tensed gaze were interrupted when Trail neared us more. “I apologize for spilling my drink on your project last week…”
“Ah, ‘yon ba? Sabi ko naman sa ‘yo okay na. Gagawin ko nalang kaya ko namang ihabol. Sa Wednesday pa naman deadline,” I shrugged.
“Hindi ko matatanggap na tatanggihan mo ‘to,”
“Will your ego be hurt if she doesn't?”
Alaric interrupted the conversation with hands still in both of his pockets. His head was lifted and a sly smirk was shown on his lips, a brow flinched upward as he neared him.
“‘Yung project na ‘yon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi niya balak mag-lunch kanina,” isang sarkastikong tawa ang narinig ko mula sa kanya. “I know Eliana, we may not be the closest but I know that she finishes a project a week before the deadline. Always.”
“Alaric…”
Nilingon ako nito, “Kaya nagtataka ako kanina noong sinabi mo na hindi mo pa nagagawa ang isang project na deadline sa Wednesday,” his eyes remained on me. “Meet me tomorrow, at lunch, in front of Marian Building.”
I was about to stop him from walking and ask what was it about when he walk pass us. Minsan niya pang tinanguan si Trail bago tuluyang lumabas ng classroom.
My eyes remained on the slightly swinging door, letting his image of leaving sink in me.
“He’s definitely not here to look for Crestina.”
Binasag ni Trail ang katahimikang namayani. I tried on grabbing some words to fill in the awkward air between us but nothing came. Hanggang sa magsalita siyang muli.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to accept this kind of apology. Or if you won’t ever forgive me,” he licked his lower lip, trying to get near me as he hid the cardboard behind him. “Just know I still care for you.”
I laughed humorlessly, “What’s that supposed to mean, Trail?”
“Alaric is dangerous for you. I know almost all the things he don’t say to anyone,”
“Pero alam mo ang mga iyon?”
“I… Pareho kaming lalaki, Eliana.”
I shrugged, “But you’re a cheater and he isn’t.”
He frowned at what I said. His jaw clenched as he tilted his head a little. I stood tall, chin lifted.
“Paano mo nasabing hindi siya manloloko?”
“You know what, Trail, I don’t even want to talk to you in the first place. So please just shut your mouth and I’ll take my seat here, quietly staring into the ceiling and—”
“He has a girlfriend. He’s in a relationship,” he cuts me off.
Nangunot agad ang noo ko sa narinig. My nose crunched a bit as my mouth fell open. His eyes were staring right into mine, it didn’t even shake proving to me he might be right with what he was saying.
“You’re kidding—”
“Paano kung totoo? Eliana, he is dangerous for you!”
“And so are you! You are dangerous for me as well, Trail we both know that! Please get out of my sight… or just shut up…” I sighed, “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“E-Eliana!”
Facing my back, I refrain myself from making any annoyed noise as I walk back to my seat. Narinig ko ang pagbukas at pagsara ng pinto at hindi ko na inabala pang lingunin iyon. I let my head hang and tried sinking in everything he said.
And when it did, I found myself drowning with all of the things I’m insecure about.