Eliana
"Ms. Elisa Silverio?"
I held my folders tightly as I put a smile on my face. After hearing my name, I gracefully got up from my seat and approached the lady who was standing outside the office.
"Good morning, Miss. It's your turn. Good luck!"
I don't know if that helped me. The nervousness in my system just keeps on growing every second. I keep on biting my lips and praying so hard to make this successful.
As I entered the glass doors, I plastered a sweet smile that I’d been practicing a few days back. Stretch your cheeks, show your teeth, press your lips together. Repeat.
"Good morning, Miss Silverio. Please sit down," The CEO motioned me to sit in front of him and I obliged.
I was partially confused to see him personally in front of me instead of someone from HR. Normally, it would go that way. The CEO doesn’t have that much energy to exert or time to waste in interviewing someone.
They are most likely to leave that work to HR. Pero hinayaan ko na lang at ipinagpatuloy kaysa naman sabihin ko kung ano ang nasa isip ko ngayon.
"Good morning, sir,"
I wanted to thank the circle of friends I had when I was in China. For eight years, they have helped me improve my communicating and speaking skills. They helped me channel my inner extrovert vibes and live out of my comfort zone to explore new things.
I have always dreamt of working in a company like this. A publishing company, I could have applied for a job in China if it weren’t for my longing to go back to my home country, the Philippines.
Going home was hard. It was never easy thinking that I am here at land to the place I once left behind to start healing the wounds it caused me. It was never healed. Hindi ganun kadali.
The CEO wasn’t an easy opponent. He always throws follow-up questions I wasn’t ready for.
“You finished your degree in China?” I muttered an almost silent ‘yes’. “How many years have you been studying there? Not that I have no idea, I want to hear your background coming from your lips, Miss Silverio.”
Those were the kind of follow-up questions he would ask. At some point, it would go like…
“Was being a journalist your only option since then?”
“Yes. The moment I was called to write for a sport news I know writing is my calling and I have nothing against it. It called me, I answered.”
“I love your choice of words, Miss Silverio. Though, I have to ask, how would you handle company issues that occurred within the employees and the employer?”
Very unnecessary, well at least for me. Nakahinga nalang ako ng maluwag nang matapos ang interview. Hopefully, it is nerve-wracking to get chosen. It was nerve-wracking to know this was my first interview ever and I have listed some backup plans if things happen and I don’t get the job.
Journalist. Writer. How sweet that would sound with my name on it? I belong here, to this industry. That was what I always believed.
I made my way to the parking lot where someone was waiting for me. There I saw her leaning onto her Porsche. My sister welcomed me with wide arms at the parking lot. She is smiling widely seeing my reaction as I step out of the company.
"Aba! You look happy. Anong nangyari sa loob? Tanggap ka ba?" Tanong niya nang kumawala ako sa yakap.
I tried recalling the scene with her question; tanggap ba ako?
“You’re hired! I initially thought we don’t need to have you interviewed, Miss Silverio. Looking through your credentials and resume satisfied the HR team. I can’t deny we do need you in this company.”
My jaw fell on the floor. My eyes were wide open as I tried to let the words sink in me. They what?
“You’re hired!” He smiled. “You may start on Monday next week.”
Tumili ako nang maalala ang mga salitang binitiwan ng CEO. It was still a mystery why I was interviewed by him but that doesn’t matter now! I am hired!
"Tanggap ako!" Tumalon ako at sinalubong ang yakap ni ate. "I'll be working now. Imagine seeing my name in a magazine? Now we won’t imagine anymore!”
“That was quick, huh?”
Malapad na ngiti ang nanatili sa mga labi ni ate. “Should we go to my place? Hindi mo dapat ako ginulat nang ganito!”
She opened the passenger’s seat door for me. I heard a whisper which I couldn’t make out what she was saying.
“Binigyan mo dapat ako ng warning na uuwi ka na,” she said as she drive out of the building.
“It’s not a surprise anymore if I told you I am coming home, silly!”
She scoffed, “Can’t you see yourself? Where were you staying these past days, huh?”
Hindi ko sinagot ang tanong. Her condo’s not that far from where I will work. I work… I work!
I almost jumped with the thought. Pinagmasdan ko ang condo ni ate. She said this will be mine in no time since she plans to move out. Luckily, her condo is not that far from the Yes! Magazine Mandaluyong.
And well, yeah. I’ll be working for that company. I have wanted to write for a magazine since then, if not in newspapers. Something related to writing and being a journalist. I’ve been exposed to multiple contests for journalists like me since elementary.
There’s this one time I was one of the writers of our school publication—in China. After how many tries and applications I did, during my tenth grade in China, I am officially a campus writer.
It feels unreal that it’s ahead of me now. Sasalubungin na ako sa Monday ng pangarap ko. Waiting for me to write the strings to a long journey with it.
"Ilapag mo na muna ang gamit mo dyan," ate pointed a single sofa. “Dinaanan ko na bago kita sunduin sa interview mo. In which mukhang hindi nagtagal.”
“I was interviewed by the CEO of the company—for unknown reasons actually! It was weird.”
After I placed my things on the sofa, I roamed my eyes around. Her unit's a palette of brown, cream, and gray. The cream-colored sofa is under a spiral-like chandelier lighting the place.
The shelves at the corner of the sofa caught my attention. It's a wall that has divisions to make a bookshelf. It saves some space. Maganda iyon dahil maraming libro ang kasya at nasa tabi pa ng isang single sofa.
"I like your place," komento ko.
"This will be your place soon," she replied. "Saan ka pala tumuloy noong mga nakaraang araw?" she asked after.
“Hotel. For three days.”
Iniwan ko na ang living area at tinungo ang kusina kung nasaan siya. The kitchen size was minimal, not too small nor too big. Sakto lang. There's a table set on the left side of the kitchen. Pagpasok ay bubungad ang L-shaped kitchen counter.
Ate was washing her hands when I entered.
“Gosh, Eliana! That’s a waste of money! Sa susunod nga sabihan mo ako hindi ‘yung may nalalaman ka pang surprise!” Her brows knitted together. Iiling-iling siyang nilapitan ako.
I just rolled my eyes at her remark. “It was fun. Your reaction was fun.”
“Not funny, Eliana. Tabi nga!”
Pareho na kaming nakasandal ngayon sa kitchen counter.
Today is Tuesday and I arrived in Manila last Friday. I stayed in a hotel for three days after Trail and I went separate ways. Nagpasundo lang ako kay ate kanina at binilin ang mga gamit ko sa kanya.
“What about your application form? How was that processed too quickly?” The questions rained on me.
“Processed it while I was in China. Sinabay ko na sa proseso ng pag-uwi ko,” iniwan ko siya at tinungo ang ref para tignan ang laman. “You store a lot. Mukhang maganda ang trabaho mo, ah?”
“Just enough for me to live. Besides, I need a lot of green these days.”
“Right, you’re too skinny.”
Nakatanggap ako ng kurot sa tagiliran nang makalapit siya sa akin. A bark of laughter escaped from my lips. My sister was frowning, almost glaring at me but eventually, she mirrored my laugh and we were both laughing in the end.
“Hindi naman na ako ganun kapayat. Look at you! Ikaw nga ang pumayat!”
“College days were like hell killing me every day, you know?” Tumango siya nang nakangiti, agreeing to what I said.
Saturday came. Days pass by like a blur and my sister left me alone in her unit—or should I say my unit now. Lumipat na siya noong Thursday matapos niyang ayusin ang mga gamit niya dito bago lumipat. Lahat ng furnitures na nandito ay iniwan niya na dahil bibili na lang daw siya sa lilipatan niya.
I am so close to thinking meron na siyang tinanan at binahay na siya sa kung saan.
I washed that thought off my head and focused on where I am right now. My friends called for a night out with some of their friends as well. Old friends, new friends. All in one frame tonight just to celebrate something for me. Homecoming? No, please.
Mikhaille and Sean were the only ones that are here with me, though. The rest of my friends have taken their own path the moment they found a stable job. Cess and Nathaniel were nowhere to be found since then. I heard… well… Enrico was just around the corners of Manila.
I wanted to ask more about Cess and Nathaniel, even though they don't really know what happened with the two.
Mikhaille introduced me to her two new friends too, which I was trying to get close to.
"Congrats ulit! Medyo late ka nang pumasok sa trabaho?" si Ivy.
"I rested for a year, I guess." I joke, making them laugh.
"Grabeng pahinga 'yan. You're turning twenty-three, right?" singit ni Ada, mas matanda sa akin ng isang taon. “You’re still young, though. May ilan na sa edad mo pa-travel travel lang muna.”
“I did a lot of traveling my whole life…”
“I heard you stayed in China for years?” Ivy opened a topic.
I nodded slightly trying to avoid that conversation. The experience was something I don’t want to talk about yet, especially at a place like this. At a mere bar? No.
“How was China? I heard you’re originally from there,” she was persistent.
“It feels like home, of course.”
Binigyan ko ng diin ang huling sinabi. I always hear that a lot. That I came from China and I should only belong there. Gusto kong umalis pansamantala at iwasan ang maaaring masabi ni Ivy… o maitanong.
I understand she’s curious. At gustuhin ko mang pag-usapan ang tungkol doon, ayaw ko muna. China was my home and that was before, it never felt like home as I have always thought it was.
"Hindi pa rin talaga ako makapaniwala na nandito ka sa harap ko," Mikhaille whispered but enough to be heard.
“Ano ba! Parang sira,”
“But I really missed you, can you just say the same?” she leaned in to hit my arm. “You got prettier too. Any man right now?”
Umiling ako. “As if I have the time, Mikhaille.” I laugh with her.
“What about I do some reto to you or something?”
“And I dare say you should not!”
“For once, be happy!”
I rolled my eyes at what she replied. I am happy right now and I believe being in a relationship is the major factor of happiness. You can be happy single.
We were chatting more as drinks kept on piling up on our table. Napuno ng tawanan ang pwesto namin dahil na rin sa dalawang babaeng kasama ni Mikhaille. They are funny, though, I must not exclude the fact they do go overboard sometimes. Lalo na si Ivy.
Nakailang shots na sila Ivy at Ada bago nila napagdesisyunan ang pumunta sa dance floor para makisayaw. Pero bago sila umalis ay nagorder pa sila ng tatlong bucket na iniwan nila sa amin nila Sean at Mikhaille.
Sean was lingering around the place, talking to almost everyone in here. Siya lang ang lalaki na kasama namin and I understand he got bored with our conversation kanina kaya umalis.
Ilang minuto lang nang maubos na ang isang bucket ay nagpaalam si Mikhaille na may pupuntahan lang. She was talking with someone over the phone minutes ago, the tone was more of a business conversation so I didn’t get the chance to ask about it since it’s not necessary.
Mukhang importante rin kasi nagpaalam siya agad matapos ang tawaga. Hindi na rin ako nagtanong kung saan siya pupunta. I stayed with Sean for a couple of minutes in silence. Nang mabingi na ako sa katahimikin ay binasag ko ito.
“I think we should go over there… to dance…”
“I’m fine. You can go if you want,” he shrugs.
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. His eyes are lingering, lips pursed a bit as he sips on his drink directly on the bottle.
Tumayo ako para tumabi sa kanya. I giggled when I almost fell off the high chair. I don’t remember being dizzy moments ago. Tumatama na siguro ‘yung mga ininom ko. But that didn’t stop me from drinking another bottle, mirroring what Sean was doing now.
I shifted from my seat making me ridiculously fall onto his arms.
“Oh, fuck sorry…”
“Drunk Eliana. Hmm, never seen it before, huh?”
I laughed loudly, “How could you? I was in China for years!”
I saw him nod. He just drank his shot glass without looking at me. I didn’t saw that there, kanina lang ay umiinom siya sa mismong bote. Ubos na ang ilang bucket na inorder nila Ivy kanina at ang hawak na lang ni Sean ang natira.
Napangiwi ako nang makitang nagsasalin na naman siya ng isa pa. I bit my lip, shaking my head at him. That’s too much yet he’s still far from being drunk.
“You should be drunk now as I see how you… murder those bottles away—”
“I’m afraid not yet, Eliana. That happens if you don’t take alcohol to your heart and mind.”
Natawa ako sa narinig. Sinubukan kong tumayo. “That doesn’t even make sense. I’ll go na… to Ivy… a-and Ada and… everyone!”
Binitiwan ko ang hawak na bote at iniwan kay Sean iyon. I gave him a nod.
“Careful. I’ll look out from here.”
“No need, bruh. Ivy! Ada!” I tried calling them as I went near them, swaying a little along with the trance music.
May kasayawan silang dalawa na ilang grupo rin ng mga babae. They were laughing as they did that so I laughed with them as well. Kahit hindi ko alam ang dahilan.
I started swaying along with the flow of the music. Upbeat, I tried jumping. Tinaas ko ang kamay ko, my fist balled then it was free, and repeat. I did that for a while when I felt someone’s back met mine.
Hindi ko iyon pinansin at pinagpatuloy ang pagsayaw. Nang maulit ang pagtama nito sa akin, hinarap ko ito. So persistent! I frowned when I noticed it was a guy.
Naramdaman ko ang hilo nang sinubukan kong pantayan ang tangkad niya. I can see his shaved stubble and a small grin on his lips as I do so.
“Dizzy?” he asked.
I nodded, “Hmm… dizzy.”
Hindi pa naman ako sanay na malasing nang ganito kalala. I went out with friends when I was in China but not to the extent that I’ll drink too much. This… Is new to me. The burning sensation filling my throat down to my stomach.
It feels so new being drunk. That’s what my head says.
Later on, I found myself swaying my body onto him and grinning shamelessly as I ran my finger through his jaw. I felt a little tingling feeling on my chest when his stubble hit my skin.
Kasabay nang muling pag angat ng mga kamay ko sa ere ang pagyuko ko. Bigla kong naramdaman ang kamay ng lalaking iyon sa baywang dahilan para matawa ako.
"You like it…” I giggled. I pulled his arm further making him reach the upper part of my buttocks.
Hindi ko maaninag ang lalaki. But I felt his breathing hitch as I moved closer. Nawala rin iyon agad nang alisin niya ang kamay niya sa akin. The blinding lights surround the whole place making his face blurry. I can’t make out what expression he was making for a moment.
Ngumiti nalang ako. Based on his shadow on himself, his feature look rough. The chiseled jaw and shaggy hair falling to his calm brows. Nang gumalaw siya pagilid ay medyo nailawan ang mukha niya at kita ko na ang bandang noo niya.
I unconsciously put down my arms and lift them to touch his face. I giggled as I took a step forward and tiptoed to reach him. Nakarinig ako ng ilang mura mula sa kanya kaya inalis ko na rin ang kamay ko.
I shrugged and was about to leave him when I felt his hand on my shoulder. Sumunod na hinawakan niya ang kabila, making me face him back. Nangunot na nang tuluyan ang noo ko nang hindi ko na talaga siya makita.
I feel like throwing up. Nahilo ako nong inikot niya ako.
“W-Wait sorry I—”
Naputol ang mga salita ko nang hilain niya ako palayo sa dance floor. Unti-unting humina ang musika kasabay ng lalong pagsakit ng ulo ko. I think I need to refresh my senses.
I heard his sigh as he pulled me out of the bar.
“Excuse me… I need to get myself some water and—”
“Stay.”
Mabibigat na hininga ang binitawan niya kasabay nang muling paghigit sa baywang ko. He pulled me nearer, my vision was still blurry and I’m starting to blame myself.
Hindi naman na gaano karami ang ilaw pero may kadiliman ang lugar kung saan niya ako dinala. The corridors were quiet, dimmed lights filled the place but I can’t still make out his face.
“How the hell could I stay if I don’t even fucking know you?” Mataray na ani ko. “Bitiwan mo nalang ako, I-I need to wash my face… g-get myself some cold water… or anything—yes!”
“You’re drunk.”
Natawa ako sa narinig. “Oo gago alam ko ‘yon.”
“You cursed.”
“Ano ba! Stop saying what’s obvious!”
“You didn't do those things before, Eliana. You never curse, you never drink.” I frowned upon hearing my name from his lips.
Magsasalita na sana ako nang bitiwan niya akong muli at inilayo sa kanya. Pinikit ko nang mariin ang mga mata. I rubbed it a little before opening them again.
I hoped I could make out his face the moment I opened my eyes but I wish I never hoped. Naramdaman ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko kasabay ng paglambot ng tuhod ko nang makita ng klaro ang mukha niya.
Those calm brows, shaggy hair—it wasn’t like that before! A-Alaric, it’s not you.
“You…”
“Yes. You heard your name from my lips.”
Umiling agad ako. “N-No I mean you… You’re—”
“You can see me now, huh? Eliana, can you see me now?” Hindi ako sumagot.
Nanginig ang labi ko. Words won’t just spurt out of my lips. Parang nagising ang diwa ko bigla, nawala ang hilo ko. I took a step back. Kumawala ang hawak nito sa akin.
“I think I need to go now. My friends might be looking for me…” I let out an awkward smile tailed with a shivering laugh.
Napansin ko ang pag-igting ng kanyang panga. Naramdaman ko ang muling paghila niya sa pulsuhan ko at ngayon mas mahigpit na ito. It was hurting me a little, the hold was tight and it screams anger. Galit siya sa akin.
“Your friends are too busy partying to even notice you’re gone from their sight,”
“Mikhaille is sober she will surely worry for me—”
“She knows I’m here.” he interrupted me. “I shall… I shall take you out of this place, you are such a mess.”
Akmang huhuliin nito ang kamay kong kumawala nang humakbang ako sa palayo sa kanya. I frowned as I felt my world spinning with the sudden step.
Dalawang bagay na hindi ko maintindihan ngayon. Una sa lahat, bakit nasa harap ko si Alaric at kausap ako, even trying to get me out of here. Pangalawa at huli sa lahat, bakit alam ng kaibigan ko na nandito siya? Pangatlo, kahit na dalawa lang ang sinabi ko, bakit… saan… saan niya ako dadalhin?
I gulped once trying to register something clear and reasonable in my head. Everything feels so wrong but at the same time I can’t tell which part was not right!
“Eliana, tignan mo nga ang sarili mo!” he whispered with a hint of frustration. “I went here—”
“I don’t need your explanations—”
“As if I want to explain anything here! You ran into me, grinding and swaying your shit out of yourself in a crowded bar… fucking wasted and can’t even recognize me.”
“Why the hell should I recognize you?!” I neared him. “Bakit ka ba nandito sa harap ko una sa lahat!”
He let out a mock laugh, an almost sarcastic loud one. He examined my presence, running his eyes from my head to toe. Napataas ako ng kilay sa ginawa niya.
I crossed my arms on my chest, scoffed the way he did.
“You learned how to curse, huh?”
“Oh ano ngayon? T-That I never did before?” I rolled my eyes. Later on landing on his gray sweatshirt. “People fucking change, Alaric! I was a teen when we parted ways, of course I don’t curse at fourteen!”
Nawala ang lahat ng ekspresyon sa mukha niya. His face went blank, something like a rock. My mocked smile faded as well, bumaba ang kamay ko sa palda na suot. I tugged on it.
I heard someone walking near us but my attention was on him. His eyes started shaking, his nose crunched, his mouth fell open trying to let the words escape from his lips. I stared at it for a few seconds of silence.
Red, plump, and moist. Wala sa sariling dinilaan ko ang sariling labi nang palihim. Iniwas ko agad ang mga mata sa pagtitig sa labi niya. His aura changed, even his hair did. His eyes were still the same. One thing I never knew wouldn’t change at all.
Akala ko pagbalik ko rito sa Pilipinas iba na ang makikita ko sa mga mata niya. But it wasn’t, the pain was mirroring the way I saw it when I left.
“Fuck.” tinalikuran niya ako. “Alright, go inside then and continue your interrupted fun. I am madly apologizing for what I fucking caused.”
“You’re angry?” I laughed.
“No. I’m angry at myself for forgetting that you said I shall not near you again. Of course, how can I remember words from a mere fourteen year old little girl?” His eyes remained on mine with a challenging gaze.
Namuo ang galit sa loob ko. “Yes… a mere fourteen year old girl told you to never be near her again. Why the fuck are you here in front of that childish girl again, yeah? Get away from me!”
“Eliana? Oh Alaric, you’re here!”