"Ano na namang ginawa mo, Marie Oceana?! Hindi ko nakalimutang bilinan ka na huwag gumawa ng kahit anong ikakasira ng pangalan natin! Your father is a politician and I have my businesses! If these kind of occurrences will ever go out in media, hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin namin sa'yo. We are trying hard to make you at peace, Marie. So, why not try and convince us that you can do us a favor? Oh, please. Just stay and be a good girl like how you used to be."
I didn't expect my mom to be here right now. Siguro ay nabalitaan ang nangyari noong nakaraang araw. I couldn't understand why she is scolding me when earlier she was protecting me from our principal. I cannot understand why she's this frustrated about me.
"What did you do to those girls? Hindi ka naman nila sasaktan kung wala kang ginagawa sakanila. Why not try acting and get along with those morons?! Hindi ko kakayanin kung masira ang pangalan natin dahil sa'yo. So, please... try your best to get along with them."
Hinawakan ni Dad ang balik ni Mommy. "Calm down, Pyry. Marie didn't do anything wrong. Hayaan na natin ito dahil sinabi na rin ng Principal na hindi makakalabas ito sa kahit saan. We already settled all of these. The girls who hurt her already gave their apology. It's okay already. Let's go and eat. I'm sure Marie is already tired after the meeting. I'm sorry, Marie but will you go upstairs first and rest for awhile? Tatawagin nalang kita kapag kakain na tayo."
"Okay po."
I almost choked my words. It is like he's saying that I should go out of their sight para hindi na mas lalong kumulo ang dugo saakin ni Mommy.
I'm fine, okay?! I am trying so hard to act as if it does not affect me!
I did not do anything wrong!
Bakit ba ganito 'tong mundong 'to? Lahat nalang may mali! I am trying so hard to act the best kind of girl that everyone likes!
The kind, cheerful, and smart kind of girl that everyone should praise of! Pero bakit hanggang ngayon parang ako pa rin ang mali? Bakit hanggang ngayon wala pa rin akong kakampi?!
This world is really a mess.
Nilibang ko ang sarili sa pagtanaw sa labas ng aking bintana. The flowers are slightly swaying and the leaves are dancing, almost synchronized. I can perfectly see the sun setting down like it is trying to say that this would end.
Everything will end already at this moment and that darkness will claim everything but after some time, there will be some light again and it will never completely blackout because the moon, like the sun, shines throughout our darkest days. It will always and always cheer us up and will never let us feel that we are alone while crying at night.
Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin maisip kung ano ba talaga ang tingin saakin ng mga magulang ko.
I am their daughter. I am sure of that because I can still remember some part of my childhood.
I have my pictures when I was a baby and right after I was born but I can feel that despite all of those proofs, I can't feel their genuine love towards me. It started after that incident happened. Hinding-hindi ko malilimutan ang kakaibang tingin nilang dalawa saakin nang magising ako sa ospital na 'yon. I can still remember that despite the brightness of the room, the darkness in their eyes will completely engulf me.
"Marie, kakain na. Go down if you are ready. May bisita tayo."
Bisita? This is the first time ever since we came here. Pagkababa, nakita ko ang masayang halakhakan nila. It ended when I entered, though.
"Marie, this is Senator Romero, and this is my daughter, Marie Oceana. I believe that she is the same age as your son too?"
"Oh, yes. She really looks pretty. Her eyes would probably make everyone fall for her." I shivered at what he said. Hindi ko pinansin ang kakaibang tingin niya na nagpakilabot saakin.
"That's right. Why don't you stay in our house for the night, Senator?" Agad akong napalingon kay Mommy.
I am not really comfortable with this creepy looking guy and I don't care how powerful he is in this country but I don't like him staying over.
"What can you say? We have many spare rooms you can have after all."
"Sure, why not? I want to talk with Kai more." Referring to my dad, and suddenly met my gaze.
Matapos kong kumain, agad akong umakyat sa aking kwarto. I never felt this scared after everything. Ngayon lang ulit nang makita ko ang mata niya. I do not think I will ever be comfortable with him. Ni-lock ko agad ang pintuan at kinulong ang sarili. I took a bath and tried so hard to force myself to sleep but I can't because I am nervous. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero ramdam na ramdam ko ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko.
Is it because its raining so loud, probably a storm? Or is it because of that man who I have known earlier?
Nagising ako dahil sa isang malakas na kulog. Nakita ko rin ang napakaliwanag na kidlat kaya mas lalong nagising ang diwa ko. It's past one in the morning. Ramdam ko ang katahimikan sa labas ng bahay at ang tanging maririnig lamang ay ang pagihip ng hangin, pagsayaw ng mga halaman at ang sunod-sunod na kulog and because I can't sleep anymore, binuhay ko ang dalawang lamp sa magkabilang gilid ko.
Tinanaw ko muli ang labas. Nakita ko sa itaas ang maliwanag na buwan na unti-unting nagtatago sa likod ng mga ulap. It made me happy dahil nakaramdam ako ng comfort mula roon as if the moon is telling me that it's fine because it will always be there for me to light up my dark times.
I decided to go downstairs dahil nauuhaw ako at gusto kong uminom ng tubig. Hindi ko inaasahang makita ang bisita namin ngayon. He looked surprised when he saw me pero napalitan ng ngiti ang labi niya.
The place he was sitting at only has dimmed light that is why I am undecided to go there pero hindi ako makagalaw ng tinanong niya ako.
"Why are you still awake?" Tanong nito saakin.
Iniwas ko ang tingin ko at sinubakang wag magpakita ng kahinaan. "I'm just going to drink some water." Tumango siya saakin.
Hindi ko na maaring mabawi ang sinabi kaya kinakabahang lumapit ako sa refrigerator namin at kumuha ng baso. Ramdam ko ang pagtitig niya saakin habang umiinom ako. Bumuhos mula saaking noo ang mga butil-butil na pawis.
"You are pretty for your age." Sa sobrang bilis ng pangyayari, hindi ko namalayang napakalapit niya na saakin.
Gusto kong sumigaw nang sobrang lakas nang hawakan niya ang buhok ko. His hands slowly went to my neck.
"No! Get away from me!" I threw him the glass of water.
Biglang nagbukas ang ilaw sa kusina. Nakita ko ang nagmamadaling pagbaba ng mga magulang ko. Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa kanilang mga mukha. They looked at me in disbelief.
"Mommy, he touched me...Dad...he tried to..." Hindi ko maituloy ang sinasabi ko dahil sa malakas na paghikbi ko.
"What?" My Dad stared at me confusedly.
The senator look at my parents. "I was just trying to help her... nagulat nalang ako ng binato niya ako." They quickly look at him. Nakita ko ang panlalaki ng mata ni Mommy.
"Oh my! I am sorry, Senator. Please sit down first." She immediately called the maids and asked them for a first aid kit. Dinaluhan ni Dad ang senator sa sofa ng aming bahay.
My mom looked at me angrily. "What are you doing, Marie?! Have you gone crazy?" Sa sobrang galit niya saakin ay itinulak niya ako ng malakas ng hawakan ko ang laylayan ng damit niya. Naramdaman ko ang hapdi sa iba't-ibang parte ng aking katawan. Maybe it was the glass that have been broken to pieces. Hindi ko marinig ang sinasabi ni Mommy. It felt like my ears flew away from me that I cannot hear her voice right now. I looked at her, my anger is the only emotion that is left for me at this moment.
Agaran akong nagmadaling tumakbo sa labas ng aming bahay. I heard my father's voice pero ang tanging nasa isip ko na lang ay ang tumakbo palayo sakanila.
I cannot believe them. That man tried to harass me pero bakit kung tignan nila ako, parang ako yung mali? Like they are saying that I am lying?
The rain dropped continuosly. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Mas lalong humapdi ang mga sugat ko pero kahit anong mangyari, I do not want to go back there.
Napapikit ako ng malakas na kumulog. I ran to the opposite direction of the forest I've visited. Nilalamig kong tinungo ang kalooban ng subdivision. I looked up at the moon that is still shining brightly kahit pa malakas na ang ulan.
Bakit parang masaya pa ang buwan sa nangyayari saakin at parang sumasangayon pa ang ulap rito?
As I walked and walked, I felt lonelier. Ganito din ang naramdaman ko noon. Pagod akong umupo sa labas ng isang engrandeng bahay.
Under the rain, I cried alone as I did not held back any of my tears. With no one beside me and with the moon, only watching me from afar.