Chapter 00
#SLFIPW00
It’s been six months since I stop going to school to focus on what I am carrying inside me. Those months are hard for me but I have to do it, it’s not only me anymore.
The decision of one will affect two people.
I went to the yoga place that I signed up to still keep me in shape while being pregnant, my husband strongly disagree to this but I said I have to, first months of my pregnancy I feel sick, really sick, vomit there, cravings there, becoming irritant on simple things.
I mean it’s normal but, I just don’t like the feeling, nor wanting to be pregnant at this state.
I was about to booked an uber when I saw a text from my husband.
Attorney: Wait for me, I will take you there.
I sighed, wala naman akong magagawa, his house, his rules.
So, while waiting for him nagbasa muna ako ng book about pregnancy, ng makaamoy ako ng mangga.
Oh shit, here we go again.
Agad kong kinuha yung phone ko dahil mababaliw lang ako kung pipigilan kopa.
Me: Can you buy mangoes along the way? Craving for some thanks.
Ginusto niya to eh, bahala siya.
I continue reading but the cravings for mangoes really get into my nerves, ang bagal niya naman! Itetext kona sana siya ng I heared the beeping sound of passcode, he’s here!
Pagkaopen ng pinto I immediately grab the mangoes and went straight to the kitchen. Hindi ko na siya pinansin ng nagpupunas siya ng pawis, tss, I can book a grab naman but he insisted so, not my fault.
And part of me don’t want to see him, I get really irritated on his presence.
“Are you done?” He said.
Agad ko ng sinubo yung mangoes and sumunod na sakanya.
The car ride was silent, thanks to music nasurvive ko yung katahimikan.
Pagkadating namin sa yoga center, I immediately grab my things.
“Punta nga pala ako kila Matt mamaya.” I said.
“Hospital?” He asked.
I nod, nagagree naman siya.
Pagkatapos mong mapanganak yung taga pagmana nila, babalik na yan sa dati kaya huwag ka masiyadong masanay.
After Yoga, I take a shower and dumiretso na sa hospital.
I’m always the happiest when I’m here, I touch my tummy.
“Soon baby your mommy is going to be a doktora” I said happily.
I was about to go to the entrance and meet Matt in the cafeteria when I heard the ambulance.
Napalingon ako and saw an emergency, pero nahilo ako ng makita ko yung tatay ko nandoon.
Nandito siya? At, naaksidente siya.
Suddenly my head is hurting, I am catching my breathe all I know is that I wanted to lie down.
Nagising ako sa ingay sa paligid ko.
There I saw my husband beside me, Matt and Hazel and a doctor.
“I’m sorry Mr. Buenaventura” Yan nalang ang narinig kong sabi ng doctor bago siya umalis sa kwarto namin.
I saw fear in my friends eyes and anger on my husbands eyes. And it intesifies when they saw me.
“Baks” Matt called me with a sad tone. I was about to ask him kung anong nangyari saakin and sa tatay ko when a loud voice echos the room.
“You fucking kill our daughter! After everything that I have done to you! Fuck!”
He comb his hair.
“I know you have dreams you want to pursue, but that is still your daughter, now get out of my fucking life!” He said and leave the room.
I could not believe what I heard.
First my father is in danger, and I killed my own daughther?
What just happened?
Agad kong nilingon sila Matt and I can feel how they pity me right now. I also pity myself.
Crazy how earlier I'm being carefree living my life like how it is like and now I saw my father in the emergency room and my baby is gone. I honestly do not know what to feel anymore.
"Asan si tatay?" Tanong ko sakanila.
Hindi sila makasagot parang nagdadalawang isip pa sila kung sino yung magsasalita.
"Nangyari na ano pang magagawa ko? Sabihin niyo nalang saakin para isahang sakit nalang" Hindi ko alam saan ko hinuhugot yung lakas ko ngayon pero gusto ko lang din malaman condition ng tatay ko.
"He's critical baks" Sabi ni Matt at hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko umiyak.
Agad naman akong niyakap ni Matt and Hazel.
All my life, I do things for other people, minsan nga hindi na ako nagtitira para sa sarili ko eh. Pero bakit ganun?
Bakit ang unfair parin ng buhay para saakin? Wala na ba akong karapatan maging masaya?