"I have to explain that's why I am--"
"What I see explains it all. I won't need it." I stopped him mid-sentence.
"R-Realm, listen--"
"No, you listen, Hrosim." Hindi ko alam paano ko pagagaanin ang loob niya sa mga sasabihin ko. Ayaw kong mag-iwan ng alalahanin, kahit pa humigit pa roon ang ipinaramdam niya sa akin.
Nakita ko kung paano siya magsisi. He was too expressive that I can see so many emotions piling up his eyes, easily. Ramdam ko ang simpatiya para sa mga emosyong lumalabas sa kaniya. Tumatagos iyon sa akin. Nasasaktan ako, dahil gusto ko siya at kaya kong unawain iyon. Kaya ko siyang unawain. But no, I cannot just make use of it to conclude that he likes me in spite what he did. That he regrets. That it's nothing.
Hindi ko matatanggap na ganoon. Na maraming ipaliliwanag kapag nahuli na sa akto.
Maaaring nalilito lamang siya, at hindi siya sigurado sa kaniyang nararamdaman para sa akin. O, hindi naman ganoon kalalim ang pagkagusto niya na nagawa niyang pumatol kay Katalina.
Without me knowing it.
Siguro mas tatanggapin ko ang ganoong rason. It's more rational for me. Mas maniniwala ako. Mas matatanggap ko.
I like it be said straighforward, not digging so many holes to defend an obvious mistake and lies.
"You are not obliged to explain whatever reasons you have. Hindi tayo. Hindi kita boyfriend. Nanligaw ka, at hindi pa kita sinasagot..." Although, I really have plans to. I bit my lower lip, wandering so much how to speak no ill and insults. I do not want to give back fire and burn them with my anger. Sapat na iyong mapagtanto nila kung ano ang ginawa nila, kung saan banda sila nagkamali.
That's my best revenge that will come from them, too. Hard realizations.
"There's nothing to explain. It will just complicate things, especially that I am not blind to not see its roots. To know it. Kung hindi ka naman sigurado sa akin, sana tinigil mo na agad. Pero hindi kita masisisi kung nagawa mo iyon. It so happened that your heart is still wandering, and it is okay. Your heart doesn't have its key yet, that's why you cannot close it. At palaging magiging bukas 'yan, dahil hindi ka pa sigurado sa susing pinipili mo. Kaya nga, habang nanliligaw ka sa akin, ay naging boyfriend ka ni Katalina--"
"Fuck! That is not it, Realm!"
Nalilito siya, nababagabag, at iyon lamang ang ekspresyong nais kong pagtawanan. Desperado ang paraan ng pagtingin at ang pagkukumahog niyang lapitan ako.
"Stay away. Please." I stopped him, firmly with conviction.
"You have to hear me, Realm. I love you, and it's true! Trust me. It's just that--"
It's just that. Naluluha akong nag-iwas ng tangin. Tanginang paikot-ikot 'yan!
Meaning to say...
"Hindi mo na talaga kailangang magpaliwanag." I smiled wearily as something dawned in me. You will be okay, Hope. Your heart will.
People who were in the midst of admitting their love, as they were caught cheating or they've done wrong,  followed by "it's just that" doesn't really need to explain. They'll just prolong their litanies, make excuses. Ganoon naman kapag nahuhuli mo ang isang tao. Palaging may rason. Palaging may palusot.
Nagagalit lamang ako dahil matalik na kaibigan ko ang napili mo. Malaking epekto niyon sa pagkakaibigan namin. I was so mad at that... and so hurt with the truth... na hindi ko na siya kayang tratuhin tulad ng dati.
Something... just changed. It's like, I lost my home in her.
I cannot even force myself to look at her eyes. Nadidismaya ako. Hindi ko gustong maramdaman, pero ayaw kong pagsinungalingan ang sarili ko. Ayaw kong pati ang sarili ko ay pahihirapan ko sa pagpupumilit na maging katulad ng dati.
"Please... Please, Realm. I can explain myself just please, let me!" he is clearly desperate with his tone and gestures. Hinawi ko ang nagdaang kurot sa puso sa hitsura niyang nagmamakaawa sa harap ko.
But I couldn't entertain it anymore. I can't afford to see him plead to explain... nothing.
"I do not need any explanations from you. I hope you understand. Please, do your best to understand." mahinang sabi ko, nawawalan ng lakas sa pag-uusap na ito. Gusto ko na siyang talikuran, I badly want to just lock my self in my room and stay there until everything's okay. Pero alam kong imposible.
"I feel so tired, drained of this happening. At hindi ko na maiintindihan kung mauulit pa ang pagpunta mo rito para guluhin ako."
"Gusto ko lang magpaliwanag..." He stubbornly pleaded.  "Realm, I didn't mean to..."

"You did. You mean it. Kasi kung hindi mo ginusto, hindi mo magagawa..." Nasasaktan na ako. "You didn't wait for me." Nagbara ang aking lalamunan, nagiging malinaw ang pait na lumulukob sa aking sistema. Tears instantly pooled in the sides of my eyes, dahil unti unti ko nang nailalabas ang totoong saloobin sa nangyari, kahit mahigpit ang pagtatago ko sa mga ito.