Kirot
After we ate, na puro lang naman asaran sa isa't-isa at buti nalang lumipat na ako sa isang upuan dahil iniisip ko pa rin naman kapakanan ni Daniel na baka hindi siya makakain. Kahit naman nakakaasar siya e mabait pa rin naman ako.
I brush off my teeth while thinking about the sudden change of mood by Daniel. He don't usually cling at me like that, except at nights. Kaya naman nakakapagtaka.
Nang matapos ay pumunta na ako sa salas dahil doon ko iniwan ang bag ko. Nakita kong andoon pa rin ang phone ni Dan at ang panyo niya. Kaya naman pinuntahan ko siya sa banyo sa kusina.
Well, this condo has 2 bedrooms. Tig-isa sana kami ni Daniel ngunit ang asungot pinilit na sa kwarto ko nalang siya lagi matulog. Ilang araw din kaming nag-away doon. Dumating pa sa puntong bumili ako ng maraming kandado para la ng hindi siya makapasok. At natigil lang ng magsumbong na ito sa parents ko. Oo sa parents ko, dahil alam niyang papanigan siya ng mga ito.
At kung nagtataka kayo bakit pinapagamit ko sa kaniya ang cr sa kusina kahit may cr ang sariling banyo niya...well, trip ko lang. Joke! One condition ko yon sa kaniya sa pagpayag kong pwede siyang matulog sa kwarto ko. One-month siyang magbabanyo sa kusina. At first, it was hard for him I knew it. Kasi naman, masikip ang banyo sa kusina and for sure the bathroom in his room was huge. Kaya ewan ko kung bakit pumayag pa rin siya sa kondisyon ko.
There must be something into it, but I don't want to figure out.
"Here's your phone and handkerchief." sabay abot ko sa kaniya. Tinignan lang niya ito at hindi inabot resulta ng pagkunot ng noo ko. "Here, abutin mo!" nainis ako bigla. Kasi naman, tinitignan niya lang at wala atang balak abutin.
"Ilapag mo nalang doon sa lamesa. Kukunin ko mamaya, di pa ako tapos." tinignan ko siya pababa at pataas dahil sa sinabi niya. He looks okay tho, ready na siya at parang wala ng ibang gagawin.
I look at him suspiciously. He notices it.
"What? I need to pee, Babe. You want to watch me?" inirapan ko naman siya sa sinabi niya.
Umalis na ako agad sa harap niya at inilapag ang cellphone niya sa mesa ng padabog. I don't know why I did that, maybe I'm irritated with him again. Always naman.
"Hey! Wait... Are you leaving?" he shouted from the bathroom.
I pick up my bag and headed towards the door, "Yes dude."
"Hindi ka na naman sasabay sa akin?" nakalabas na siya ng bathroom. And he immediately put on alcohol. Buti naman, gross kaya yong iihi ka tas di ka mag alcohol.
I take off my eyes from his hands and look at him intently.
"we had a deal, remember?" I said with my menacing eyes that if looks could kill he's now laying in the floor, cold. "It's you not gonna ever and never bother me at school. And no one should know we're married." I said as a matter of fact.
He nodded, "Yeah, but the second statement was not part of our deal." he said too as a matter of fact with hand gestures really persuading me to believe on him.
Which is...true. We never had a talk about it.
I arched my brow as I think of my very own brilliant idea, "We had kept it secret for few months, why not continue it for the whole ride of our college life, don't you think?"
He take a moment to think about my very brilliant endorsement.
Until he shakes off his head thats causes my forhead to crease.
"Well, what if someone finds out? Am I going to deny it?" that question left me thinking. We should deny it right?
But the thought of him denying me felt like something prick my heart and holds it tightly to bleed.
But I want my college life to be peaceful as it was. I don't want any issues and all that will connect me with him. I am no famous, and I want it to stay that way.
"Maybe, you can try to not answer them? Like you'll just laugh or try to change the topic?" I said doubtly. That's the only thing I consider as safe answer.
Or it just makes my heart at peace that he won't deny me?
"What if they were persistent?" he insisted that question.
"Why? Do you want to tell them truthfully? Or you want them to know? Do you ever plan to tell somebody about our relationship?" I don't know if it is visible in my eyes that deep inside of me I do hope he desires to. That he wants us to be public, free and real?
"Nah, the question just come out of my mind when I think of my fans. You know, there still some stalkers. And such..." he spokes a lot of things yet my mind stops when he said 'Nah'.
So, he never did desire it. He also don't want us to go public. He don't want to tell anybody about us.
I don't know if he notices it but I feel like my mood just go down. Nanghina ata ako sa simpleng pag-hindi niya doon. Ewan ko kung bakit pero parang may mabigat na dumagan sa dibdib ko?
He's still explaining when I cut him off.
"Well, that's good. You don't want anybody to know it too. So you better stop pestering me and stop insisting that question. Do all your best for anyone not to know. I guess, you're good at hiding too." I said with a half smile.
He bow down a little bit..."No...no,that's not what... I mean." he said with a low voice but I manage to hear it and choose not to mind it. He mean it or not, whatever it is I won't meddle on it.
"So, I gotta go. Bye!" my immediate response before our talk subsided.
Napansin ko ding hahabulin pa niya sana ako pero may pumigil lang din sa kaniya. Ang cellphone niyang nag-iingay na. May tumatawag, maybe one of his friends or his girls.
The thought of the latter one makes me sick. Naiisip ko pa lang na nangangabit na siya nagagalit na ako. What more kung maabutan ko pa siya sa ganoong akto or anyone will report something to me? Tangina, stop na sa ganyang thoughts.
Nakakasakit, putek!
Without further ado, nag commute ako papuntang school. I know, I know. Looks ridiculous that I myself, a heir, is commuting.
Well, once upon a time I learned driving. I know it, I memorize every control of a manual car. I've been driving for atleast a year. Then one day, I got into an accident. I bumped with a human that send me into my darkest fear. Na trauma ako sa insidenteng iyon dahil sa nakita kong puro dugo. I fear blood, too. Nag add up nalang siguro siya sa akin to the point na hindi ko na kayang mag drive. Iyong takot at pangamba sa tuwing hahawakan ko ang manibela, alam kong hindi na ako makakapagdrive pang muli.
Even Daniel questions about me commuting but I never gave him any answers. I don't want to open myself freely to someone I just barely know.
And I don't want to open my heart too. It is just so scary. I have watch my friend's misery over her heartbreak. It is just so painful and I don't want to feel it. I don't want to experience that kind of pain.
So, as much as possible I restrain myself from falling in love.
And I hope I'm doing it now.